oh well, joke time, good OR bad

[Paul]

Like it.. :lol: :lol:

 

[supertaff]

A young couple are driving down the road, when the young wife sees an injured skunk lying alongside the road. "Pity, let's stop and see if we can help it" she says.
Her husband stops the car and she runs back and picks the skunk up and walks back to the car with it.
"Oh , it's all cold and limp" she says to her husband ..... "How can I warm it up" ? she asks.
Her husband says "Get back in the car , and put it between your legs" , and she says "What about the smell"?
"Hold its bloody nose" says the husband !!!!

 

[Paul]

8O 8O -rotfl- What was her reply? :wink:

 

[zippy656]

just think about it, not a joke

Car Accident
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police.... "

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Women are clever, evil bitches. Don't mess with then

 

[willow]

Just bought a Glasgow advent calender ! typical! ALL THE WINDOWS ARE BOARDED UP AND SOMEONE HAS STOLEN THE CHOCOLATES !.

JOHN

I like that one :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Paul]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Deleted Member D]

Grenade pic

I uploaded the grenade pic onto the site gallery. :lol:
Good intit. :mrgreen:

 

[tezzer]

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was
down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said,
'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?'
The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into
his office puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and
zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his
'garage door.'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my
garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with
two flat tires.

 

[Deleted Member D]

Disappeared & found

Oh no its disappeared from your post look. :roll:
Dont worry tho Ive brought it back for you look. :wink: :lol:

No probs anytime. -moonie- -rotfl-

 

[Deleted Member D]

Thats funny intit

The other day i bought myself some sensible walking boots

and a little rucksack


and i went up to the lake district,



i walked for about five miles



then i stopped


and sat on a stone wall



and had a flask of coffee,





then i walked another five miles









and stopped











and had another flask........







bloody hell i'm rambling :lol: :lol:

:|good one. -killingme-

 

[dinky]

6 Truths of Life





1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.











2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.






3. And discover that The first truth is a lie.






4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.










5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.







6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.



I apologize about this.

I'm an idiot and I needed company ...

 

[Deleted Member D]

From one idiot to another

-rotfl- I havnt got all my teeth but I still tried it. -rotfl-

 

[Paul]

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.


They charged one and let the other one off. :lol: :lol:

 

[tezzer]

Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of der mornin' to yer sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick 'hello' and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two golf tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those"? asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"Well, what on the God's earth are dey for"? inquires Paddy.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving"
"Fook me", says the Irishman,
"BMW thinks of everything".

 

[Paul]

There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard.

Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle.

"Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks.

"When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied.

"Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe.

"Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."

 

[Paul]

An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for.

The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I was going to park there!"

The man was a real smart alec and he said, "That's what you can do when you're young and bright."

Well, this really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car and backed it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes.

The young man ran back to his car and asked, "What did you do that for?"

The little old lady smiled and told him, "That's what you can do when you're old and rich!"
:lol:

 

[Bat21]

A cowboy goes into a German car show room.

He walks up to the salesman and says.... "Howdy"

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Howdy... Audi... get it
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... ok I'll get my coat :lol:

 

[Deleted Member D]

A cowboy goes into a German car show room.

He walks up to the salesman and says.... "Howdy"

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Howdy... Audi... get it
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... ok I'll get my coat :lol:

Please do

 

[zippy656]

yep, think you best had.

ill get mine too, after all i did start this post..

 

[Bat21]

Q. What's a Catholic priest & a pint of Guinness got in common?

A. Black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!