The reality of seeing the scans, seeing where the cancer has spread to, is devastating.
The thing is, it can only get worse. Yes I have been strong, but not sure I can keep that up now.
I have just woken up to a new day, with a reminder that the cancer has spread into my right shoulder, looks like I will have to start the day with Morphine.
Yesterday I was tempted to rename the thread "Dying" with Prostate Cancer.
I think the day I do that is the day I give up.
When I started the post I purposely named it "Living" with Prostate Cancer, well I have been so far.:thumb2
We have said nothing to our grandson, who is nearly 4, but yesterday around the time of my appointment, he made a pretend phone call to his Nana ( my wife Roz) he said... "Look after Grandad Nana" Where did he get that from, and last night at bed time, he started crying, not normal unless he is stressed or ill.
Boy, this hit me really hard, are we sending out body language signals, without knowing it?
It was hard telling my son and family in Bahrain via skype, last night, due to the time difference, they had already gone to bed, I felt it was a bit selfish of us, but as the truth is out there, we didn't want them to pick it up via social media first etc.
The worst part is travelling, any bump, pothole, braking manoeuvre etc. hits my spine, and I cry out with pain. So will I be trapped in the house?
I am nearly at the point of getting a stair lift, I think logic says lease one, it might only be a year :doh If I survive 2, that will be a bonus. I would welcome any advice on that front lol.
To all the guys who have sent me PM's I have read them all, and we thank you for the support, and I will post a reply later, after I get my head around this.
I need to find the positives in this nightmare to focus on.
To be fair, it has been torture for two years now, daily reminders that I am on death row, you wouldn't treat animals like this.
I apologise to you all for venting my feelings this way, I might feel differently in a few days.
Uncle Rustic.