ok, bit of an update. checked Jims truck, and my wiring (earth wires etc) are all the same as his, including the negative battery cable which is crimped and clamped under the power steering fluid bottle.
I have shown Larson and Jims-Terrano the weird idling problem, for them, it wasnt too obvious, but I was able to at least replicate it. Jim suggested it may be an issue with vacuum, in particular break. The reason why he suggested this is that I pointed out it happened when i jet washed under the car once, and pressing the breaks made the idle issues 10 times worse.
we traced the pipes, and on mine, the pipe from the egr splits off to two solenoids, one of the solenoids goes off to the breaks. I took the pipe off the T joint, and blanked by fitting a shelf mounting thing between that and a spare peice of pipe, refitted and went for a very short drive. the car drives ok, breaks ok, but not sure yet if it has actually cured the issue, or if it drives better. My other half says if i rev the car at idle, i get a puff of black smoke first time, then nothing, but not loads of black smoke.
also, the code 18 hasnt come back yet.
miffed....
oh we also found that i probably need a new Thermostat, as the engine isnt getting up to temperature, needle gets half way between 1/4 and 1/2 mark, never higher, and never to half way. It used to go half way until I did various jobs on the car now it doesnt.
I wonder if, because the engine isnt getting to temp, the glow plugs are playing up??