I sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and appeared to have stopped breathing.
I thought she was dead until I saw the red spot on her forehead, and realised she was just on standby.
I got a right beating last night by a 6ft 7in black bloke.
All I said was, "Golly you're tall."
Years ago it was suggested that, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works a treat!
Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite? All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
I got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking for some hot action! So I sent her my ironing. That'll keep the lazy woman busy.
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to Hoover the house.
Turns out she was a S-l-o-v-a-k.
I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
A lad came home from school and excitedly told his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years.
The dad said, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part."
I just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month. It's time to change supplier I think.
And saving the best till last..
Paddy says to Mick, “T’be sure you have an empty milk bottle in your fridge?”
To which Mick responds “Ahhh that’s for them as wants black coffee you dozy
so nothing in there offensive but this threads so ofensive it needs closing! just so i know where boundries are!
http://www.nissan4x4ownersclub.com/forum/showthread.php?t=12201
