poor landy owners

[zippy656]

Q: Why do Land Rovers have heated rear windows?
A: To keep your hands warm when you're pushing them.

Q: What goes on pages 4-5 of the Landy’s user's manual?
A: The train & bus schedule.

Q: What is the sport-version of a Landy?
A: The driver wears Nike shoes.

Q: How do you make a Rolls Royce leak oil?
A: Stick a Landy badge onto it.

Q: What do you call a Freelander at the top of a hill?
A: A miracle.

Q: What do you call a Landy with brakes?
A: Customized.

Q: What do you have to do if your Landy gets in the way of a
swarm of killer bees?
A: Stop pushing and take refuge in the car.

Q: How do you make a Landy go faster uphill?
A: Throw out the passenger.

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The New Land Rover range comes out without an oil filler cap.

You just pour the oil over the engine - it finds it's own way in
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Land Rover are global leaders in alternative energy...........................most Landies are powered by The Trooper towing it.
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What’s the difference between a Golf ball and a LR?

The golf ball you can at least drive for 200 meters....
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Why do Land Rovers always drive in convoy?

The are playing 'Who's the weakest Link'
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Defenders got the highest rating in Child safety in the Euro ncap test.
It is impossible to slam a kids fingers in the door, the gaps are to wide

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I saw earlier that someone has indeed found out that land rover is actualy an acronym.
L - Legendary
A - and
N - Noble
D - Device

for

R - Regular
O - other
V - Vehicle-make
E - Emergency
R – Recovery

OR:-

LAND ROVER: -

Loud,
Agonizing,
Noisy
Drive -

Rattles
On
Virtually
Every
Road

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There is a rumour that Defender drivers greet other passing Defenders with a friendly wave, this in fact is untrue. There are merely showing that their hands are clean, and they have not broken down yet.

And here I thought that the number of fingers lifted while waving indicated the number of oil leaks on your Landy! Will have to revise my LandyWave... (but don't think I have enough fingers)

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Land Rover is one of the most environmentally friendly cars you can find..

It puts the oil back in the earth

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If a Landie does not leak oil - the sump is empty !!

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What do you call 1 LR on top of a hill - A miracle.

What do you call 2 LR's on top of a hill - A mirage.
__________________

Did you hear about the man whose Land Rover didn't leak oil?
The factory took it back and worked on it until it did.
__________________

When you take a Land Rover for a valuation they don’t take out the blue book, they take out the scale to weigh it for scrap metal.
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Driving a Landy is like sleeping with the Ugliest woman you know.......
You can do it JUST NEVER tell your friends!
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Land Rovers don’t have engine numbers only expiry dates.

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There was once a competition between the Isuzu Trooper and the LandRover,
they wanted to determine which of the two is more air tight..
In order to do this they put a cat in each truck and left them overnight...
The next morning the cat in the Trooper was dead and the one in the landy got away....
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It’s true officer...it just fell off
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Did you know that 80% of all Land Rovers ever made are still on the road?





















The rest made it home.
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Every page of your repair manual has fingerprints

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What does the Titanic and a Land Rover have in common? It has the same turning circle and is just as waterproof
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Why did they use Land Rovers for the Camel trophy? To make things as difficult as possible for the contestants
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Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch
from another at night? They all look the same. " - "He replied, "It does not matter which one you use, nothing happens !"
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Why does a Land Rover have so many holes in? For the water to get OUT.
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When you mount a portrait of a Land Rover against the wall, remember to put newspapers on the floor for the oil leaks.
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A Land Rover don't leak oil - they're only marking their territory.
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You know its a Land Rover when you stop at the fuel station and ask the attendant to check the fuel level and fill up the oil.
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All Land Rovers are like women - They leak when you don't want them to, moan on long journey's, embarrass you in front of friends and spend more money than you ever expected once you've commit yourself to one.
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Why is a land rover the best vehicle for overlanding in Africa?
If you break down you never have to walk very far before finding another broken down Land Rover you can steal parts from.
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There are two man made structures visible from space, the Great Wall of China and the gap in a defenders door frame.

[tezzer]

poor land rover only been around for over 50yrs,
i'd like to see 50yr old nissan, but we all know that will never happen because they are rot boxes, should'nt knock them zippy, one might pull you out of the mud some day, but then you would'nt tell us would you.

[zippy656]

ah well, I have been pulled along some DEEP ruts by a 110

[sidsid06]

yes i know their not the best on the road but my brothers old 1976 land rover is better off road than most new 4x4!!! unless its a new land rover defender!

[Deleted account DD]

Excellent stuff zippy

[tezzer]

why is it people on here have to keep knocking land rovers, it gets on my fecking nerves, support british not foreign crap.

[Deleted account DD]

I dont know but I wonder how much of a landrover is actually British ?

Land Rover at times didnt do themselves any favours over the years. We had Range Rovers as armed response vehicles. They were crap and replaced by other more reliable "non british" (sic) makes.

One example of their poor performance apart from leaking more oil than they burnt was the alarm , immobiliser and security system. When you need to get from a to b asap the last thing you want is a car you cant get into or start............and it happened several times on a fleet of 3.

I also have a lot experience driving older landrovers inc lightweights, 90s 110s and special variants both petrol and diesel for my sins. I would sum up, particularly the older petrol ones, as fantastic off road if you can get them started on a morning and that's about it.

Only my very real experience but it would put me off buying one of the variants I've used in the past.



Anyway , wtf do you expect on a nissan forum? I was told the only reason a land rover badge was green and oval was because it had gone rotten and the corners fallen off................not sure if thats true or not

[tezzer]

i do expect some knocking of land rover on here but it's a bit two faced when people go out with other enthuiasts laning, and then knock there preference of vehicles, about the jeeps, my mate bought one new top of the range, had it six months he reckons the biggest piece of crap he's driven, he traded it for a landcruiser, did'nt keep that too long either, lol, but the old original jeeps are the dogs dangley bits, i had the wagoneer what a motor now that was brilliant off road, i towed my 18ft fishing cruiser across a shingle beach with no problem at all, and an ex neighbour had the willies jeep, thats a different kettle of fish,

[Deleted account DD]

Originally Posted by tezzer

i do expect some knocking of land rover on here but it's a bit two faced when people go out with other enthusiasts laning, and then knock there preference of vehicles, about the jeeps, my mate bought one new top of the range, had it six months he reckons the biggest piece of crap he's driven, he traded it for a landcruiser, did'nt keep that too long either, lol, but the old original jeeps are the dogs dangley bits, i had the wagoneer what a motor now that was brilliant off road, i towed my 18ft fishing cruiser across a shingle beach with no problem at all, and an ex neighbour had the willies jeep, thats a different kettle of fish,

Its impossible to judge a range on one vehicle Ive always maintained that, my comments on Landrovers are based on using them from 1979 right through to about 2000 ish. In fact the last time I was out in a Range Rover was to tow my own car off the road after a dancing on ice prank The first RR we tried wouldnt start, in fairness though it was around -1

I also recall the UN withdrawing all Discoverys from front line services due reliability problems

Your mate seems a bit picky, if you follow the link on my sig you'll see some interesting info about jeeps & nissans.

My Grand Cherokee in the 7 months I've been running it, on and off road, towing and travelling in the worst winter (they tell me) for years has been outstanding which sort of discounts horror stories of them but like I say, that's only one car. I even managed the lower 30s mpg on a 70mph 120mile motorway run last week....have to admit I was stunned

By the by, its the first car of a similar age that doesn't have any trim rattles, its lovely and quiet which must say something good about its Austrian assembly origins............. Land Rover owners will know just what I mean about annoying rattles

As far as Landcruisers go a mate of mine is a geology academic type and he did a lot of work in the wilder parts of Africa for mineral and oil companies. They had two brands of 4x4s on the fleet. Land Rover and Land Cruiser, I'll bet I don't need to tell you which one the last person to the key cabinet ended up driving because they needed soemthing that could go anywhwere reliably and with a degree of comfort

Sorry but it does stack up against them in my humble experience

On the Brit built thing I recall a debate a while back and I'm sure it was regarding GM/Vauxhall when someone was on about Brit built cars. They had a look at where all the bits came from. The furthest away bit that was sourced then assembled in GB was the wiring loom which came from Australia


At the end of the day Tezzer its what makes the world go round and its not personal

[Deleted account DD]

Actually I'll be honest here, one expense I've just had to meet was a new key. I never ever got the second set for it (just a discount from the seller ) and it cost me £50 yesterday for a new coded key and recode.

Pricey in my books but a fraction of the dealer cost.

I thought I was going to have to go to the dealer, most locksmiths dont have the software to cover chrysler, but as I was about to given in and book it in I found the "expert" locksmith in our area is literaly just under a mile and a half from our house

It was up until then I wished i'd got a LR instead and just continued using the screwdriver in the key barrel

[zippy656]

Originally Posted by tezzer

why is it people on here have to keep knocking land rovers, it gets on my fecking nerves, support british not foreign crap.

its all in jest Terrer, you know that.

im sure there are jokes about the Terranoo if you know where to look.

you cant say some of that is not true... I took a td5 out for a test drive
and the active suspention failed, he had to get us traliered back in. then said he could fix it and knock £500 off..

[tezzer]

all comments taken in, and there peoples opinions and i can live with that, i know it was in jest zipps, but as you know im a devout land rover man, i've only got a t2 because the wife loves them, now where the solicitors number,

[zippy656]

id have one if they didnt have so meany problems..

and you love the T2 as well... less work to keep it going...LOL

[sidsid06]

well my opinon is you will not get a better off road vehical in standard for than a landrover! i have alway bought jeeps which i loved very much had a v reg wrangler which was a great truck but expensive to run due to it 4.0l engine. then i bought a new jeep wrangler jk which i did think the world of but had to sell it due to lack of work and mounting bills trouble with jeeps their prices drop like stones i lost nealy 9 grand on the jk in 13 months. no 1 wanted it! cant help thinking that i should have bought a land rover defender as they seem to hold their money better! that why i now have a terrano as i think their the best looking jap vehical and good performance for not too much money!!! also bought nissan as i have the d21 pick n reg and only spent 38 pounds on it in 4 years for a alternator!! was thinking the terrano be as reliable hmmm maybe not!

[Deleted account DD]

Originally Posted by zippy656

its all in jest Terrer, you know that.

Absolutely correct I took quite a bit of flack when I went to a Jeep

Originally Posted by zippy656

you cant say some of that is not true... I took a td5 out for a test drive
and the active suspention failed, he had to get us traliered back in. then said he could fix it and knock £500 off..

oops

What towed it back in ?