joke time

[briggie]

A white horse walks into a pub and orders a whiskey. The barman says "What a coincidence, we've got a whiskey named after you!" To which the horse replies "Bernard?".

[rustic]

Originally Posted by briggie

A white horse walks into a pub and orders a whiskey. The barman says "What a coincidence, we've got a whiskey named after you!" To which the horse replies "Bernard?".

Was he an Irish horse then?
Whiskey not Whisky

[briggie]

Originally Posted by rustic

Was he an Irish horse then?
Whiskey not Whisky

I leave that to your imagination

[rustic]

When Briggie mentioned Whiskey, I immediately thought of malt whisky from Scotland, which then reminded me of this joke, set in Scotland.
It's nice to link posts...


A farmer named Bill was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Scotland when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust..

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the farmer, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

Bill looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bill.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the boot of his car.

Then Bill says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Member of the European Parliament", says Bill.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the farmer. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of pounds worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a flock of sheep...



Now give me back my dog.

[Seasickgardener]

lol nice one!!

[rustic]

one fine, and hot sunny day in Yorkshire ,a doctor was ridding his bike along a narrow country lane, on his way to his next patient,whilst crossing over a canal bridge, he could hear, loud knocking sounds,coming from under the bridge,which he thought strange.being a solid pillar of society his curiosity got the better of him,he layed his bike down,and peered over the bridge,only to find,a 57ft barge filled to the brim with coal,attached to which a very large working shire horse,standing on the tow path.
The doctor shouted out,I am doctor smith, is every thing alright down there" at this a very old and somewhat scruffy looking Yorkshire "Bargee man" appeared from under the canal bridge.
Yes,thanks doc, everything is fine.Pardon my asking the doctor said ,"but what are you doing"the Bargee explained that he had just recently purchased a replacement horse, and that because of its huge size, IT WOULD NOT GO UNDER THE BRIDGE,and that he was chiselling two channels for its "ears" to pass through.The doctor responded by saying,"Why don't you dig the tow path instead, much easier!! the Bargee looked up at the doctor and asked,"how long have you been a doctor" the doctor proudly confirmed 42 years my good man.
the Bargee responded and said, "you don't know much about horses do you doc", "ITS HIS EARS THAT ARE TOO long", "NOT ITS LEGS".

[rustic]

I banged my head last night so I followed the old wives tale and rubbed some margerine on it. Woke up this morning still with a sore head---------------------I can't believe it's not better