go on have a laugh

tezzer · 21-10-2009, 10:08

The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire ( U.K. )

These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.G. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the *!!*???)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

lacroupade · 22-10-2009, 08:57

I got the pi55 ripped out of me at school once for answering a geography question by saying "Detroit is an important motor manufacturing city at the bottom of Lake Michigan".........of course if you look at the map, it is, just not the way I meant it

tezzer · 22-10-2009, 21:10

paul, did you notice that this was taken from a school in swindon, dont we have a member from that area

lacroupade · 22-10-2009, 21:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by tezzer

paul, did you notice that this was taken from a school in swindon, dont we have a member from that area

I did indeed note that Tez, but he's keeping awfully quiet for some reason....

tezzer · 23-10-2009, 11:39

has he gone to oxford with his caravan? seem to remember a post with a map of a site.

lacroupade · 23-10-2009, 13:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by tezzer

has he gone to oxford with his caravan? seem to remember a post with a map of a site.

oh yes, he has.......funny place to camp IMHO but each to their own....I know it very well - its easy for the city but close to the railway and main roads so I hope its not too noisy for him! Oh and lots of tourists there too

tezzer · 23-10-2009, 13:59

perhaps he saw this joke and scarpered

it might even be his exam paper but without pics

lacroupade · 23-10-2009, 17:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by tezzer

perhaps he saw this joke and scarpered

it might even be his exam paper but without pics

nah, he's still not allowed crayons as far as I know.

21-10-2009, 10:08	#1
tezzer Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: basildon essex Vehicle: transit camper van 1987 Posts: 2,829	go on have a laugh The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire ( U.K. ) These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds) Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists Q. How is dew formed A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire Q. What causes the tides in the oceans A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope) Q. What happens to your body as you age A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death Q. What is artificial insemination A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant) Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.G. The abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the !!???) Q. What is the fibula? A. A small lie Q. What does 'varicose' mean? A. Nearby Q. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work) Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section' A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome Q. What is a seizure? A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit) Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable) Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG) Q. What does the word 'benign' mean? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight Q. What is a turbine? A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

22-10-2009, 08:57	#2
lacroupade Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: All hail to the Glove of Love... Posts: 9,212	I got the pi55 ripped out of me at school once for answering a geography question by saying "Detroit is an important motor manufacturing city at the bottom of Lake Michigan".........of course if you look at the map, it is, just not the way I meant it

22-10-2009, 21:10	#3
tezzer Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: basildon essex Vehicle: transit camper van 1987 Posts: 2,829	paul, did you notice that this was taken from a school in swindon, dont we have a member from that area

23-10-2009, 11:39	#5
tezzer Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: basildon essex Vehicle: transit camper van 1987 Posts: 2,829	has he gone to oxford with his caravan? seem to remember a post with a map of a site.

23-10-2009, 13:59	#7
tezzer Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: basildon essex Vehicle: transit camper van 1987 Posts: 2,829	perhaps he saw this joke and scarpered it might even be his exam paper but without pics