Lifes a funny thing....

[lacroupade]

Firstly, this is not a request for a sympathy vote – it’s just that there are times when it’s good to share things because they might just help someone put something into perspective. I’m an atheist but not an agnostic, so if anyone is minded to have a word upstairs, feel free!

If you’re fretting over some minor detail or a decision, or you’re having a bad day, just listen to how my day changed from sunshine to cloud in the space of about 15 minutes last night….

First my wife rang; she’s in Abu Dhabi on business and called to say she was sitting in a Marco Pierre White restaurant in her swish hotel, eating foie gras with one of her contractors. Very nice. Next her sister called to complain about the price of stuff in Waitrose (she and her husband live in a £1.8m house in Ealing…..I was tortured for her).

Then I rang my youngest daughter.

She is 19 years old and has two very small but beautifully formed children by her fiancée, a soldier in the Royal Logistics Corps. They have been working hard to build a life together on not a lot of money and have done a terrific job with my grandchildren.

Three months ago he was sent to Canada for a six-week training exercise but within two weeks was in Calgary hospital with some mystery illness….he was flown back to the UK to Birmingham Hospital after three weeks and has now been hospitalised for more than seven weeks in total, but the doctors still have zero clue about the cause of his ailments.

A few days ago, while visiting him, my daughter crossed a green traffic light with the kids in the car, only to get t-boned by some moronic f*ckwit who jumped a red light at speed. Fortunately, there were witnesses, the police attended and her outlaws-to-be were a few cars behind so were able to pick up the pieces. Everyone seems fine but the car was totalled and my daughter is now stuck at home 90 miles from the hospital, unable to visit.

When I phoned her, she told me that today the doctors had told her fiancé that he is unlikely to ever walk again. The lad has no real trade; he’s a truck driver in the Army, so their lives have been turned upside down.

Then two minutes later I get a call from my 54 year-old sister. She lives alone and has been crippled for many years with acute rheumatoid arthritis as a result of contracting Stills Disease when she was 15. She is on ten different medications and over the years has endured a number of painful operations, including amputation of her toes.

Yesterday afternoon she was diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer and is currently awaiting an MRI scan to see if it has spread any further, but in the meantime has to cease some of her medication, resulting in severe pain and further disablement.

This morning I sat on the river beach at the bottom of our fields in Wales in one of the most peaceful times I’ve ever known, reflecting on these facts. There wasn’t a breath of wind and all you could hear were the birds singing and the river rushing by while my dogs milled around aimlessly enjoying themselves.

What the hell is it all about eh?

Stay safe and live your life while you've got it.

[spiderpig37]

As the saying goes a trouble shared and all that.I find its nice to get things out of your head sometimes i am a firm believer of life life for today all you can do is deep breaths and be strong for the people that need you.
With the pictures ive seen and the ones on your web site for the dogs i think you have a perfect place for contemplation and reflection(jeez sound like a storker know)
Any how be strong
Andy

[lacroupade]

Originally Posted by spiderpig37

As the saying goes a trouble shared and all that.I find its nice to get things out of your head sometimes i am a firm believer of life life for today all you can do is deep breaths and be strong for the people that need you.
With the pictures ive seen and the ones on your web site for the dogs i think you have a perfect place for contemplation and reflection(jeez sound like a storker know)
Any how be strong
Andy

Well I do feel privileged living where I do; its just a shame we can't all be where we want to be doing what we want to do....

And the dog thing is a nice little earner but hard work when they are all running free. Sent our first dog home in disgrace the other day after just 24 hours - a psychotic rottweiller, enough said!

[clivvy]

unbelievable mate, im not sure what to "say" to you other than be strong. I agree that it is sometimes very good to share these things, you are right, your story does put many things into perspective. Here YOU have, i think, three or four seperate major things going on in your (and your family of course) life. Taking time to reflect as you do is good, im glad you have somewhere nice to do this, its amazing that you are coping so well.

take care dude. And I wish your family members the best of luck, I really do hope things turn for the better for them mate. I dont pray and all that, but I will put my thoughts out there.

[lacroupade]

Thanks Clive - appreciated.

Its the thought that it can all slip away in a second that gets to me - I mean these problems are my sisters and my daughters really, I can't claim any extra load other than what a brother and parent would do.........but if reading this makes just one person re-assess their situation and do something for themselves or someone else then I'm happy.

[briggie]

thanks for that mate, far too often we lose sight of whats really important in our lives , we moan about our trucks , weather etc , but complacency in our lives is perhaps the most sad thing .

like the saying goes , you dont realise how much someone means to you untill they are gone .

thinking of you pal

pete

[Dynamics]

I am new here and don't know anyone personally, but I could sense stress in some of your recent posts.

When does your Wife get back from her business trip, I am sure that will help.

When I feel like shit, the only thing that sorts me out, is to go for a run.

Look after yourself Buddy.

[Sparks61]

There's not much to add to that Lac. I'm also new on here so don't know you but i know what you mean. I changed my life round two years ago and make a concious effort each day to remember how lucky I am. All I can say is you can't think ahead too much. No matter how bad events are there is no predicting where it will all go - as things went bad quickly so they can trun the other way - as you said there is no ryhme or reason. Eight weeks ago I thought my mother would be dead in a few days and now she is fine and recovering with a new outlook on life. Wishing your family the best.

[macabethiel]

I read your post and thought what a great release reading this site can be. I know its not what blokes do but posting to strangers does help many of us as we put our lives into perspective and look for some sort of meaning to the cards we are dealt.

I too am an Atheist and have just come back from visiting my Mum who is 84 years of age and still drives her Micra. Her pet dog is 11 years old and has been her only company since my Dad died. The Vet told her yesterday that she should have the dog put down as its rear hips have shot it. She was in tears as she told me she could not bring herself to have the dog killed as she put it. My Wife and I have a 'spare' Chihuahua Percy and he would be a perfect replacement but its too soon to mention it to my Mum as an option for the future.

Last weekend on the way back from Wales I called to see my Daughter who lives in Chester. Her twin 6 year old boys are both disabled, Morgan is quadraplegic, suffers from epeleptic fits and has a high degree of spasticity. He is tube fed and she has just found out he has Dairy and Soya intolerence.

His brother James has just started to speak and in the last couple of years learnt to walk. He has multiple learning difficulties as a result of foetal brain damage but is a really active boy full of life.When James was about ten moths old we went to Alderhay Hospital as they were switching off his ventilator/ life support but he kept breathing and survived moving from being tube fed for two years to eating normally.
My Daughter planned to return to teaching after giving birth to the twins but that will never happen now.

Today as I was driving through town there was a drunk asleep on a roundabout with a can of beer in his hand. No God could let all this stuff happen to folks could he ? Not trying to overtrump your hand just sharing my thoughts or lack of them.

Hope things start to get better for you soon......cheers.

[Liam]

Paul, you have expressed everything in an honest and non complaining way. I can totally understand everything you say. On the 12 July my son attempted suicide, break up with his girlfriend probably having a lot to do with it. Monday night he tried again, overdose of sleeping tablets and anti depressants. The hospital ejected him from the building yesterday as he wished to make a complaint about the consultant who prescribed him 6 weeks meds after assessing that he was suicidal. Currently he is trying to get an appointment with a pyschiatist in out patients at the hospital who he liked. The hospital told him this morning they would call him back with an appointment time, he had to ring them and they have told him they will call him back tomorrow. I spoke with four senior staff in the hospital yesterday and am still trying to get over the impersonal, almost indifferent attitude. Two of the staff had 58 years pyschiatric experience between them, they are so intstitutionalised they were incapable of speaking in normal language, either that or I'm a complete moron. All I got was pyscho babble, can't , won't, health and safety, not possible, against policy, against regulations etc. Not once let's see what we need to do for Stephen's welfare. I genuinely feel for you and your family. I,too, wonder what it's all about at times. I know my son needs help, the hospital, knows he needs help and Stephen knows he needs help but I don't have a clue how to get it for him. Private treatment runs at €18,000 per month, it's not a misprint eighteen thousand euro per month. Do you think we were so bad in a previous existence that this is the result?
Laura is stressed and our daughter Debbie absolutely adores Stephen and is devastated. I know full well that if he is determined, there is nothing any of us could do to stop him, but if we could say that we had gotten him the best treatment available, it would be a help. I am sick of this country, its politics, its lack of care for people in need and mostly this attitude of don't put anything in writing or say anything that could allow us to be sued. We have developed a system where it is more important to uphold the integrity of the system in public bodies than provide an effective service. Recent riots in the UK and the stupidity of preventing emergency services reachin injured people after the 7/7 bombings come to mind, there are many others and quite a few over here too.I don't mean to burden people on here but I really can't think of one good reason why people who are dealing with patients at their worst are allowed to continue for years to the point where they are so disconnected from patients that their quality of service must be questioned. Even armies will only keep people in combat zones for limited periods because they are aware of the effects of being under stress. I'm sure there are people in pyschiatric services who must also be suffering themselves being exposed to distressing situations on a daily basis, and still they are left there for years on end. I spoke to a number of suicide prevention helplines and they all told me that there is a large attrition rate among counsellors, pyschiatrist and pyschiatric mursing staff, many end up as patients themselves or commit suicide. I suppose all I can do know is hope I don't get "that" phone call.

[lacroupade]

I can't tell you guys how reassuring it is to know that people you've never met (mores the pity) care about things in this way.....some stories here that would make a grown man cry frankly and no wonder.

Liam especially, I can't begin to imagine your frustration and worry.....poor lad needs to know that he is worth something and that doing himself a mischief will do nothing but hurt those who love him and waste the person that he is and could be.

I don't even begin to pretend to know how you deal with situations like this mate and you have my thoughts and prayers for what they are worth.

And Mac, your daughter deserves a bloody medal.

I guess these things make us all stop and think a minute about our own lives and the bitching and moaning we do about stuff that, against problems like these, are nothing are they?

I also hope ClanWolf has still got a roof over his head.

As the late great Dave Allen always used to say "May your God go with you".

[lacroupade]

Bit of an update, but not a very good one.

My sister had a PET scan today instead of an MRI, as they had initially put her on a special treatment trial, probably because of her chronic arthritis. Sadly this meant they found stuff the MRI wouldn't have and the outcome is that the cancer has spread from her breast to the lymph nodes, ribs and hip area.

Bottom line is its incurable, although they will treat with chemo etc.. in the hope of keeping it at bay as long as possible, but the prognosis is 1-5 years max.

I'm hoping for her sake thats a sufficiently vague timescale to suggest that all things are possible, but who the hell knows?

So live your life to the full; you never know when it might be taken away from you.

[iandouglas]

HI
so sorry to read of all the troubles you are ALL having.
lifes a bitch.
I had a bad time of things with Sheila a few years back ,but she has been given the all clear now so sometimes things do go OUR way.
ALL THE VERY BEST TO YOU ALL .
best wishes Ian and Sheila

[lacroupade]

Thanks everyone - its much appreciated.

And to whoever it was that PM'd me recently (a lady member possibly?)....I managed to delete it before reading thanks to my weasly Blackberry, so please don't think I was ignoring it will you