time for a pay rise

briggie · 21-01-2011, 19:48

TIME FOR A PAYRISE

Mr. Penis-Head requests a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labour
I work at great depths
I work head first
I do not get personal vacation days, weekends off, or public holidays
I work in a damp environment
I don't get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Response from the administration:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
You take a lot of non-approved breaks
You do not take initiative -- you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe Office of Health & Safety measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits
You don't wait till pension age before retiring
You don't like working double shifts
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

21-01-2011, 19:48	#1
briggie Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: peoples democratic republic of west yorkshire Vehicle: " alice " Posts: 10,473	time for a pay rise TIME FOR A PAYRISE Mr. Penis-Head requests a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labour I work at great depths I work head first I do not get personal vacation days, weekends off, or public holidays I work in a damp environment I don't get paid overtime I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation I work in high temperatures My work exposes me to contagious diseases Response from the administration: After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods You do not always follow the orders of the management team You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas You take a lot of non-approved breaks You do not take initiative -- you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift You don't always observe Office of Health & Safety measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits You don't wait till pension age before retiring You don't like working double shifts You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.