The 'Right' To See My Son!

[Jay666d]

I'm going through a bit of a struggle at the moment and I'm just looking for a bit of perspective.

I will try to deliver all the facts here in unbiased way.

Currently Freddy is with me from Saturday afternoon (when my Dad gets him from the Mothers house - I pick him up from my Dad when I've finished work) until I take him back to his Mothers on Monday evening.

She has him the rest of the time. She doesn't work, and she refused to send him to Nursery full time. (For the past year he has done 3 mornings a week at Nursery)

In September Freddy will be starting school full time. I knew I was going to lose my Mondays with him, so have been making arrangements to possibly have Saturdays off. (Negotiations at work have gone well so far)

This weekend Freddy's Mother says that she wants to switch to 'alternating' weekends when he starts school because she feels she will 'hardly see him'!

I will start off by saying, I can see her point of view, but she cant see mine.

I will only have him for 1 night in 14! This just doesn't seem fair to me? I think I could get her to agree for me to pick him up on Friday evening... But 2 nights in 14 still isn't great!

Given the fact that I understand she won't have full days with him anymore, my compromise was this:

I pick Freddy up on Friday evening, have him back on Sunday evening for two consecutive weekends, then the third weekend is all yours! (Repeat cycle)

Her response:

"I'm not happy with that, because you need to think of how little Freddy and me get together doing it that way. I'd get to see him two days every 3 weeks... The time before and after school isn't real time"

She seems to think that having him all week (Quality time or not) then a weekend, leaving me with just one weekend every two weeks is fair!

Am I missing something? I'm trying to look at it from outside my own world... Am I being unreasonable?

 

[Jay666d]

I feel that I need to add, every six weeks the kids get a week or more holiday from school!

Given that she doesn't work, she can take full advantage of that time, whereas I'd still only ever have the weekends!

 

[terranosaurusdoug]

Its tough to deal with isnt it it. One of my first thoughts was that at least she wants to spend time with him. Since the School holidays have started Jacobs Mum has seen him once, he's been living with me my Mum and my brother full time.

I used to have the arrangement your ex has sugested but with a Thursday night too, me or my mum would pick him up from School on a Thursday and he would sleep and we would take him to School on Friday. I kind of tolerated that but also used my free weekends to do stuff for me. I could not do that without help from my family though because of work. That is something I would recommend as you get to know his teachers and how he is doing at School, and he WILL look forward to seeing you on that day :thumb2

I've been through multiple arrangements with my ex, had my heart stabbed multiple times with threats of not seeing him and feared I would not see him enough to form a proper relationship, any questions just ask :lol Time to form a solid relationship is important and something that I think witches, err I mean women don't get.

 

[Mr K]

Wow this is tricky.

I'm scared to say anything as its such a hard thing to comment on when you are not involved and know all the circumstances.

For me, your ex is lucky that she has had all this time with him not having to work, but she has to realise that he has to go to school and will see him less. That's just how it is and no getting around it. Apart from weekends she still has every night and every morning but he is growing up.

Is it an open arrangement or is it official by court?

 

[Jay666d]

That is something I would recommend as you get to know his teachers and how he is doing at School, and he WILL look forward to seeing you on that day :thumb2

I would love to do that, but even without traffic, we live about 45 minutes apart. I fear any morning trying to get him to school on time would be very difficult! :doh

Is it an open arrangement or is it official by court?

Up until now, it has been an open and amicable arrangement... I would prefer it to stay that way. (But I will do what I have to!)

 

[jims-terrano]

My heart goes to you and Freddy mate, I know you are a wonderful father to Freddy and I’m pretty sure he knows that too. Sadly it maybe time to get the sharks otherwise known as solicitors involved to ensure everything is done correctly. I’m sure it’s difficult but keep calm with her pal and don’t lose it with her as she’ll probably use that against you. Good luck mate and we are all here for you.

 

[Monaro Pete]

I don't see how she can say that "after school isn't real time", of course it is.
You are NOT being unreasonable with your request for the time you want/need with YOUR son, at the end of the day Freddy IS as much your's as he is her's.
Freddy will also miss out in a big way from not seeing you.

There are so many ex partners out there that think it's just fine to use their kids as weapons when a relationship breaks down. Well use them as weapons, because in a lot of cases it turns around & bites them on the arse.

Factors to consider are.. Is she in a relationship, if not what will happen when she meets someone, as I guarantee she will want more free time.

Stick to your & Freddie's needs fella.

My ex wife's son's father messed us around like you wouldn't believe, not turning up, turning up hours late which had a knock on effect to our time together. He knew exactly what he was doing too. I knew what I wanted to do, but it wasn't the answer & would've made things worse.

You clearly love your son & she should be great full you want to be with him.

My Fiancee's father of her two sons messed her around to the point that the twins didn't want to go with him any more. In fact they think more of me than they do him, because I have time for them. They were sixteen when we got together & they're nearly 21 now.

Excuse my bluntness, that's the way I am.