Here's one for Briggie

[Liam]

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[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place..' [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat. [/FONT]
</td> </tr> </tbody></table> [FONT=&quot]Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!' [/FONT][FONT=&quot]



[/FONT][FONT=&quot]THERE'S MORE. ... [/FONT][FONT=&quot]



[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.

He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone [/FONT]
</td> </tr> </tbody></table> [FONT=&quot]in his body. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!' [/FONT][FONT=&quot]



[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
IT IS NOT OVER YET.... [/FONT][FONT=&quot]



[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Paddy shakes his head. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting.... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'[/FONT]
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[/FONT]

 

[briggie]

:jesterbg:clap:clap:clap

 

[briggie]

2 irishmen emigrate to canada , and are walking down a road looking for jobs when seamus sees a sign

" treefellers wanted "

paddy says " its no good , theres only 2 of us "

 

[briggie]

had enough yet ?

Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site.

Paddy says to Murphy 'Im gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!'

He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!'

Murphy watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home.'

So he leaves the site.

Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman.

'I cant work in the friggin dark! ' says Murphy.

 

[96terrano]

Lol:lol

 

[briggie]

encore ?

Irish man, English man and Scotsman were travelling in the Australian outback when their campervan broke down. They had to leave the van to go look for help.

They were only able to take one thing from the van each, so the Englishman took water to keep him hydrated. The Scotsman took food to give him engery and Paddy Irishman takes the door.

The English man asks Paddy, "Why did you take the door?"

Paddy Irishman replys, "Cause if I get too hot, I can roll down the window."

 

[briggie]

now look what you started

An Englishman stops Paddy for directions... "Excuse me pal, what's the quickest way to Dublin?"

Paddy says "Are you on foot or in the car?"

The Englishman says "In the car."

Paddy replies "That's the quickest!"

 

[briggie]

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were.

The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought £300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a freezer to keep it in."

The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent £17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"

The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both fell out of the stupid tree and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me every toime oi tink of it," he chuckles. "Moy woife just left to go on a holiday in Greece. Oy watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there. And she doesn't even have a penis!"

 

[Liam]

OH NO!!! What have I started:doh:doh:doh

 

[briggie]

had enough yet ? ..... do you surrender ? lol

 

[R1cho]

A Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub. They each buy a pint of Guiness beer.
Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!!"

 

[briggie]

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled and says "You know what I want dont you?"

"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole friggin' bed by the looks of it!"

 

[R1cho]

Paddy and Mick were approaching a pub which had been destroyed by an IRA bomb
only minutes before. As they passed, a head rolled out of the smoldering ruins
and across the pavement before them. Paddy stooped, picked it up and held it
for Mick to see.
"Shure now Mick, isn't this Sean Murphy?"
"No, Paddy, no, it couldn't be. It's an amazin' resemblance, but Murphy was
taller than that."

 

[briggie]

Two Irish lads had been out shacking up with their girl friends. One felt guilty and decided he should stop at the church and confess. He went into the confession booth and told the irish father, "irish father, I have sinned. I have committed fornication with a lady. Please forgive me."

The irish father said, "Tell me who the lady was."

The lad said he couldn't do that and the irish father said he couldn't grant him forgiveness unless he did.

"Was it Mollie O'Grady ?" asked the irish father."

"No."

"Was it Rosie Kelly?"

"No."

"Was it that red-headed wench Tessie O'Malley?"

"No."

"Well then," said the irish father, "You'll not be forgiven."

When the lad met his friend outside the friend asked, "So, did you find forgiveness."

"No," said the other, "but I picked up three good prospects!"

 

[briggie]

Paddy was taking a walk in the country. In a field he noticed something that intrigued him. Why doesn't this cow have any horns?

He asked the local farmer.

"Well sir, cattle can do damage with their horns so we usually keep them trimmed down with a hacksaw. You can also treat young calves so their horns never grow. And some breeds don't have any horns at all," the farmer replied.

The farmer continued, "But this cow doesn't have any horns because it is a horse!"

 

[R1cho]

The queen of England and the Pope were seated side by side on the platform
at an event. After speaking together the subject of the innate powers of
their respective offices came up."Isn't it curious that with a wave of my
hand I can bring this crowd to its feet ,cheering,"said her majesty. "quite
to the contrary," said the Pope, I can with a nod of my head cause every
Irishman in the world to rise to his feet cheering."My dear man I would like
to see that ,"said the Queen. With that the Pope head butted her!

 

[briggie]

Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.

Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over".

So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy."

The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.

Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes."

"What? He had two arseholes?" asked the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two arseholes....

 

[larson]

i was devastated to find out my wife had been having an affair, but by turning to religion i was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing... i converted to Islam and were stoning the slag in the morning