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Bob was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store. At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer. When Carl was finished, Mary asked "How...

Guy goes to doctor "doctor I think my dick is shaped like a trumpet" Doctor: "ok let me have a look?" The guy drops his trousers and the Doc says "Wow, you're right it does look like a trumpet, and it's weird had a woman in here yesterday who had a vagina that looks like a mouth organ" Guy says...

my dentist gave me helium once , I asked if it will ease the pain , he said no but it will make your screams sound funny :augie:lol

A man goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulled out a large syringe to give an anesthesia shot. “No way, no needles! I hate needles!” the man exclaimed. So she started to hook up the nitrous oxide tank, and the man said, “I can’t do the gas thing. Just the thought of having...

A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies "Free". The customer, completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire...

Imagine if all retailers started making their own condoms: Tesco condoms 'every little helps' Nike condoms 'just do it' Peugeot condoms 'the ride of your life' KFC condoms 'finger licking good' Duracell condoms 'just keep going and going and going..' Pringles condoms 'once you pop you can't...

A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce." The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph. He then says, "I don't want you...

Near my house lives a really hot deaf girl. I often see her walking her dog while I'm out walking mine. Wanting to start a conversation, I started learning sign language. I tried to learn 'You are beautiful and I'd love to take you out for dinner.' That was hard, so I trained my dog to shag hers...

A man met a beautiful lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.' He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.' So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice...

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5am for an early flight to Sydney. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of...

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the...

I was standing at the urinals next to a midget when i noticed him winking at me. I turned my back a bit but when i looked around he was still winking at me, So i said, What's your problem do you fancy me or something. He said, No, You're splashing my eyes.

looks like they have floured :augie:lol

Kevin is doing really well on Who Want's to be a Millionaire. He's got £125,000 with three lifelines left. Chris says, "OK Kevin, for £250,000 which one of the following was one of the Great Train Robbers? Was it A) Ronnie Biggs Ronnie O'Sullivan C) Ronnie Corbett D) Ronnie Wood. Take your...

ok chaps and chapesses , there seems to be a issue with access to the workshop manuals , I will look into it , but I suspect the host has denied access , sincere apologies if that is the case .

I went for a testicle check up last week. The little Thai nurse cupped my balls and said, "Don't worry, it's quite normal to get an erection during this procedure." I said, "I haven't got an erection." She said "No, but I have."

Dave walks into a bar and sees John sittin at the end of the bar counter with a great big smile on his face. Dave says "John what are you so happy for?" "Well Dave, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me... tits out to here, Dave...

blame brexit :augie

passed within 100 yards of my house , was bloody manic :o

has there been any update on payment yet ? :nenau