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i doubt it , got far too many problems , of course none compare to rustics , but still , I doubt it , although id love to go

poor alice amongst all those big brutes :augie

aren't you allowed to just shoot people anymore ? :augie

My girlfriend has been working as a magician's assistant for a few years now & she's picked up a few tricks...I came home from work early the other day to find her dressed in her magician assistants little sexy outfit. She said, "Abracadabra!" and me mate Dave came out of the wardrobe stark...

A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her. They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex...

The waitress noticed me struggling to open the mini cornflake packet in the breakfast buffet. "Just slide your finger between the flaps", she suggested. That finished badly..... On bail till my court appearance :doh

I took my 12-year-old grandson camping at the weekend. As we sat around the fire he said, "grandad, I need a shit." "Go and have one then," I said. "That's the beauty of camping, you can shit anywhere you want and you can't get into trouble." He walked off and came back a few minutes later...

80 year old man finds his wife naked and doing a handstand up against a wall , shocked he says " what on earth are you doing ? " wife says " I know you cant get it up , perhaps you can drop it in " :augie

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father. The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that. The priest...

The Royal Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body... The officer got to choose what those two...

you are learning grasshopper :thumb2

I was laying next to my girlfriend in bed last night and whispered in her ear, "did you know that sex can cure headaches? She looked at me and said, "So can paracetamol and they last four hours.

Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white Robe...

Had to get my pet Lizard some Valium as he's been a bit stressed out lately. Now he's a calmer calmer calmer chameleon

My wife was in labour when the nurse said it was time to push. She gave it everything she had until a fart that, from both sound and stench, had obviously followed through. She was horrified. "Don't worry," I said, patting her head. "I've heard this kind of thing is perfectly natural during...

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there. The nervous sergeant said, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on...

nostalgia aint what it used to be :augie:lol

ooooooh I have competition :lol

i have it on good authority ( our lass ) that when you reach 10,000 posts you are allowed to go to the pub for a pint ....... although this hasn't happened to me personally yet :rolleyes:

It's ironic that the originator of Big Brother, Peter Bazalguette is the great great grandson of the Victorian engineer, Joseph Bazalguette, the designer and builder of the London sewage system. Interesting to think that his ancestor devoted his life to getting rid of shit out of people's...