Warning !!!!! Another briggie joke

briggie · 28-09-2010, 20:24

Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is
absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his
new audience, He asks if anyone would like him to play a request.

A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and
shouts at the top of his voice "Play a Jazz chord! Play a jazz
chord!"

Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's
varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale
and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes.

When he finishes the whole place goes wild. The little old man jumps
up again and shouts "No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord".

A bit irritated by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is,
dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B
flat minor chord and really tears the place apart.

The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical
expertise. The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz
chord, play a jazz chord".

Well now truly irritated that this little guy doesn't seem to
appreciate his playing ability. Stevie says to him from the stage
"OK smart alec. You get up here and do it!"

The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike
and starts to sing.....

"A jazz chord to say I ruv you..."

briggie · 29-09-2010, 06:30

THE GAY FLIGHT ATTENDANT:

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.'

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.'
She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,
'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, $+%!%!'

patbhoy · 29-09-2010, 09:19

Stevie Wonder challenges Tiger Woods to a round of golf,
Says he would beat him over 18 holes,
Tiger Woods says you gotta be joking man, i'm the worlds top golfer.
Stevie says, I'm so confident i can beat you i'm willing to put a million dollars on it.
Tiger says, I dont mind takin your money if you wanna be so stupid.
No problem Stevie says, we'll tee off at midninght tonight.

28-09-2010, 20:24	#1
briggie Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: peoples democratic republic of west yorkshire Vehicle: " alice " Posts: 10,473	Warning !!!!! Another briggie joke Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience, He asks if anyone would like him to play a request. A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!" Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the whole place goes wild. The little old man jumps up again and shouts "No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord". A bit irritated by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise. The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a jazz chord". Well now truly irritated that this little guy doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability. Stevie says to him from the stage "OK smart alec. You get up here and do it!" The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing..... "A jazz chord to say I ruv you..."

29-09-2010, 06:30	#2
briggie Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: peoples democratic republic of west yorkshire Vehicle: " alice " Posts: 10,473	THE GAY FLIGHT ATTENDANT: My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.' On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.' She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.' To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, 'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, $+%!%!'

29-09-2010, 09:19	#3
patbhoy Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Bridge of Weir, Scotland Vehicle: Nissan Patrol GR SE 2.8TD Posts: 526	Stevie Wonder challenges Tiger Woods to a round of golf, Says he would beat him over 18 holes, Tiger Woods says you gotta be joking man, i'm the worlds top golfer. Stevie says, I'm so confident i can beat you i'm willing to put a million dollars on it. Tiger says, I dont mind takin your money if you wanna be so stupid. No problem Stevie says, we'll tee off at midninght tonight.