Pulled Over

R1cho · 29-04-2015, 18:58

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the drivers door.

"Is there a problem, Officer?"

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

"You don't have one?"

The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."

The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

The policeman says, "Why not?"

"I stole this car."

The officer says, "Stole it?"

The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?"

"She's in the boot if you want to see."

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.

The senior officer says, "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"

The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?"

"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

"Murdered the owner?"

The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"

The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"

The man says, "Yes" and hands over the registration papers.

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"

Trenches and Tracks · 29-04-2015, 19:09

don simon · 29-04-2015, 20:42

solarman216 · 29-04-2015, 20:43

Like it,Rick

Banshee · 30-04-2015, 00:07

Worth the read

macabethiel · 30-04-2015, 06:52

LOL

johnb5177 · 30-04-2015, 10:43

rustic · 30-04-2015, 11:22

Morris Minor Joke:
One day a guy with a Morris Minor had a some engine problems on the motorway.
He pulled over onto the hard shoulder and popped open the bonnet and had a peek.
A few minutes later, there was steam everywhere and he was sitting on the curb.

Then another guy with a Porsche 911 Turbo pulled up and asked him his problem.
He told him, and the guy with the Porsche offered him a tug home. He also told the Morris Minor dude that, "If I go too fast, just honk your horn and flash your lights".

Soon after, a Ferrari F50 over takes the Porsche and gives the Porsche driver a hand jesture.
The Porche driver takes offense at this and pulls out to catch the Ferrari, doing speeds in excess of 120 mph.

They pass a speed trap and the officer says into his radio:
"Whoa, you won't believe what I just saw... I'm going to need some backup...
a Ferrari and a Porsche were doing over 120 mph and there was a Morris Minor
behind them honking his horn and flashing his lights, trying to get past."

R1cho · 30-04-2015, 13:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by rustic

Morris Minor Joke:
One day a guy with a Morris Minor had a some engine problems on the motorway.
He pulled over onto the hard shoulder and popped open the bonnet and had a peek.
A few minutes later, there was steam everywhere and he was sitting on the curb.

Then another guy with a Porsche 911 Turbo pulled up and asked him his problem.
He told him, and the guy with the Porsche offered him a tug home. He also told the Morris Minor dude that, "If I go too fast, just honk your horn and flash your lights".

Soon after, a Ferrari F50 over takes the Porsche and gives the Porsche driver a hand jesture.
The Porche driver takes offense at this and pulls out to catch the Ferrari, doing speeds in excess of 120 mph.

They pass a speed trap and the officer says into his radio:
"Whoa, you won't believe what I just saw... I'm going to need some backup...
a Ferrari and a Porsche were doing over 120 mph and there was a Morris Minor
behind them honking his horn and flashing his lights, trying to get past."

solarman216 · 30-04-2015, 19:31

Rustic, that reminds me of years ago when riding my 650 Thunderbird (with Bonneville engine) up the A12 with GF on pilion head down and flat out when a bog standard looking MM flew past me, only saw it for a few seconds and it was gone, Rick

rustic · 30-04-2015, 20:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by solarman216

Rustic, that reminds me of years ago when riding my 650 Thunderbird (with Bonneville engine) up the A12 with GF on pilion head down and flat out when a bog standard looking MM flew past me, only saw it for a few seconds and it was gone, Rick

Was there a Porche just in front of it?

solarman216 · 30-04-2015, 21:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by rustic

Was there a Porche just in front of it?

Nah, do not think they existed then, this was about 1965 the bike was a 61 and about 4 years old as far as I remember, Rick

rustic · 30-04-2015, 22:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by solarman216

Nah, do not think they existed then, this was about 1965 the bike was a 61 and about 4 years old as far as I remember, Rick

Around the late fifties, early sixties, my dad had a triumph tiger 500.

29-04-2015, 18:58	#1
R1cho Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Wales Vehicle: 1997 LandCruiser Colorado Posts: 4,201	Pulled Over A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the drivers door. "Is there a problem, Officer?" The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?" The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one." "You don't have one?" The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving." The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?" "I'm sorry, I can't do that." The policeman says, "Why not?" "I stole this car." The officer says, "Stole it?" The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner." At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?" "She's in the boot if you want to see." The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun. The senior officer says, "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!" The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?" "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner." "Murdered the owner?" The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?" The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot. The officer says, "Is this your car sir?" The man says, "Yes" and hands over the registration papers. The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence." The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner." The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"

29-04-2015, 20:43	#4
solarman216 Off road maniac Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Bexhill on Sea Vehicle: Y60 Patrol Me, 3 ltr Mrs Posts: 17,431	Like it,Rick __________________ Ex banger racer now off road maniac Lokka on the front with manual hubs Diff lock on rear 3 inch SS straight through exhaust Manly winch bumper with 13000 lb winch 10 spike ground anchor, with multiple straps and blocks Super strong body cills capped with scaffold pole 20% stronger springs all round aggressive off road tyres on wheels so just swap. Aim to get stuck and be completely self sufficient in extraction, love getting muddy, 2ft deep is good but rare.

30-04-2015, 00:07	#5
Banshee Moderator Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: West Midlands Vehicle: 04 2.7 SWB Terrano II Van Posts: 13,526	Worth the read __________________ Moderator 04' Terrano II SE 2.7 TDi SWB Commercial in Silver - Project Thread Toyo Open Country M/T 33's on 10J Steels, Super Strong Steering Job Navara D22 Snorkel, Front LOKKA, Maunal Hubs, EGR Blank TunitII ECU Chip, 3" Body Lift, 2" Suss Lift, Heat Exchanger Black Interior, 3.0 Borg&Beck Clutch, Eckes Heated Fuel Filter 99' Y61 Patrol GR SE 2.8 TD6 LWB in Blue/Silver - Project Thread Engine Transplant - In Progress!!!

30-04-2015, 11:22	#8
rustic Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Staffordshire Vehicle: Maverick Mk I 2.7 TD LWB Posts: 7,825	Morris Minor Joke: One day a guy with a Morris Minor had a some engine problems on the motorway. He pulled over onto the hard shoulder and popped open the bonnet and had a peek. A few minutes later, there was steam everywhere and he was sitting on the curb. Then another guy with a Porsche 911 Turbo pulled up and asked him his problem. He told him, and the guy with the Porsche offered him a tug home. He also told the Morris Minor dude that, "If I go too fast, just honk your horn and flash your lights". Soon after, a Ferrari F50 over takes the Porsche and gives the Porsche driver a hand jesture. The Porche driver takes offense at this and pulls out to catch the Ferrari, doing speeds in excess of 120 mph. They pass a speed trap and the officer says into his radio: "Whoa, you won't believe what I just saw... I'm going to need some backup... a Ferrari and a Porsche were doing over 120 mph and there was a Morris Minor behind them honking his horn and flashing his lights, trying to get past." __________________ Ford Maverick GLX 1995 2.7TD LWB in illusion silver, 98k miles. Owned since new, for 22 years. Best car I have ever owned. Just wish I could drive it more.

30-04-2015, 19:31	#10
solarman216 Off road maniac Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Bexhill on Sea Vehicle: Y60 Patrol Me, 3 ltr Mrs Posts: 17,431	Rustic, that reminds me of years ago when riding my 650 Thunderbird (with Bonneville engine) up the A12 with GF on pilion head down and flat out when a bog standard looking MM flew past me, only saw it for a few seconds and it was gone, Rick __________________ Ex banger racer now off road maniac Lokka on the front with manual hubs Diff lock on rear 3 inch SS straight through exhaust Manly winch bumper with 13000 lb winch 10 spike ground anchor, with multiple straps and blocks Super strong body cills capped with scaffold pole 20% stronger springs all round aggressive off road tyres on wheels so just swap. Aim to get stuck and be completely self sufficient in extraction, love getting muddy, 2ft deep is good but rare.

29-04-2015, 19:09	#2
Trenches and Tracks Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2015 Location: Northern France Vehicle: 2003 LWB Y61 Posts: 21

29-04-2015, 20:42	#3
don simon Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: Gone. Vehicle: Terrano ii Posts: 2,215

30-04-2015, 06:52	#6
macabethiel Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Derby Vehicle: Freelander & Jeep GC 3.0 Posts: 4,416	LOL

30-04-2015, 10:43	#7
johnb5177 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Swansea, S.Wales Vehicle: 02Terrano II 3.0 SVE Auto Posts: 1,586