helping pete out

tezzer · 12-02-2011, 20:15

seeing as pete, briggie is awol baby sitting here's a few to keep you all going lol

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values. Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?' Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
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A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my Intelligence come from?' The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, ‘cause I still have mine.'
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'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the Divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,' 'That's very fair, your Honour,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
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A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
___________________________________________

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.' The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
___________________________________________

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. 'How was he killed?' asked one detective. 'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. 'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?' 'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
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Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.' Joe: 'Really?' Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
___________________________________________

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. 'I'm OK but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in Surgery,' he answered. 'What did he say,' asked the nurse. 'Oops!'
___________________________________________

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. 'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' 'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.' He's still in intensive care.
___________________________________________

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'

lacroupade · 13-02-2011, 17:41

briggie · 13-02-2011, 17:46

i only had a overnight pass from zippy , im back now , well done you are learning tezzer

tezzer · 13-02-2011, 17:57

i thoght it best tom post some jokes or the site would go into meltdown without their briggie fix,

briggie · 13-02-2011, 18:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by tezzer

i thoght it best tom post some jokes or the site would go into meltdown without their briggie fix,

lol, its called relief when i dont post jokes

12-02-2011, 20:15	#1
tezzer Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: basildon essex Vehicle: transit camper van 1987 Posts: 2,829	helping pete out seeing as pete, briggie is awol baby sitting here's a few to keep you all going lol Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values. Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?' Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?' ___________________________________________ A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my Intelligence come from?' The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, ‘cause I still have mine.' ___________________________________________ 'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the Divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,' 'That's very fair, your Honour,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.' ___________________________________________ A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.' ___________________________________________ An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.' The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.' ___________________________________________ A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up. ___________________________________________ Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. 'How was he killed?' asked one detective. 'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. 'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?' 'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.' ___________________________________________ Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.' Joe: 'Really?' Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.' ___________________________________________ A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. 'I'm OK but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in Surgery,' he answered. 'What did he say,' asked the nurse. 'Oops!' ___________________________________________ While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. 'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' 'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.' He's still in intensive care. ___________________________________________ The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'

13-02-2011, 17:41	#2
lacroupade Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: All hail to the Glove of Love... Posts: 9,212

13-02-2011, 17:46	#3
briggie Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: peoples democratic republic of west yorkshire Vehicle: " alice " Posts: 10,473	i only had a overnight pass from zippy , im back now , well done you are learning tezzer

13-02-2011, 17:57	#4
tezzer Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: basildon essex Vehicle: transit camper van 1987 Posts: 2,829	i thoght it best tom post some jokes or the site would go into meltdown without their briggie fix,