then the fight started

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> After retiring, I went to the Social Security
> > office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the
> > counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my
> > age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
> > wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but
> > I would have to go home and come back later.
> >
> > The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I
> > opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said,
> > 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for
> > me' and she processed my Social Security application.
> >
> > When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
> > experience at the Social Security office.
> >
> > She said, 'You should have dropped your pants.
> > You might have gotten disability, too.'
> >
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> >
> > ------------ --------- --------- ---------
> > --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
> >
> > My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high
> > school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady
> > swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
> >
> > My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> >
> > 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old
> > girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we
> > split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't
> > been sober since.'
> >
> > 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would
> > think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
> >
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ------------ --------- --------- ---------
> > --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
> >
> >
> >
> > I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for
> > some reason, took my order first.
> >
> > "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare,
> > please."
> >
> > He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad
> > cow?""
> >
> > Nah, she can order for herself."
> >
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ------------ --------- --------- ---
> >
> > A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom
> > mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her
> > husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I
> > really need you to pay me a compliment.'
> >
> > The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn
> > near perfect.'
> >
> > And then the fight started.....
> >










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[tezzer]

here's another one.



It was entertainment night at the old people's care home.

Claude the hypnotist exclaimed:

'I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every

Member of the audience.'

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique

Pocket watch from his coat 'I want you each to keep your eye on this

Antique Watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six

Generations.

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,

Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch...'

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light

Gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the

Swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's finger and

Fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.

'SHIT!' said the Hypnotist.

It took the staff three days to clean up that old people's home...






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[floyd500b]