worst ever joke competition - Page 3

macabethiel · 14-09-2010, 07:56

Why did the pervert cross the road ?

He couldn't get his knob out of the chicken !

BongoBerry · 14-09-2010, 14:46

whats black, and white and red all over?

Answer 1: A newspaper
Answer 2: An injured nun

stevecrm · 14-09-2010, 15:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Slug32

whats black, and white and red all over?

Answer 1: A newspaper
Answer 2: An MURDERED nun

whats green and sits in the corner?

the same nun 3weeks later

14-09-2010, 16:23

Whats got 5 legs and if it falls out a tree it will kill you ....

a grand piano.

14-09-2010, 16:24

whats green and goes backwards ?

sniff

14-09-2010, 16:26

This morning they found a second man floating in Barrymores pool ,he was bearded and wearing a dish dash.
When asked who he was the SOC officer replied

Taliban Suicide Bummer.

patbhoy · 14-09-2010, 17:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darwin

This morning they found a second man floating in Barrymores pool ,he was bearded and wearing a dish dash.
When asked who he was the SOC officer replied

Taliban Suicide Bummer.

They say Michael Barrymore has no ashtrays in his house.

Apparently they throw their fags in the pool.

tony46 · 14-09-2010, 18:09

why was the man with a cold disqualified from the walking race?

because he had a running nose !!!

11redrex · 14-09-2010, 18:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by tony46

why was the man with a cold disqualified from the walking race?

because he had a running nose !!!

that's really bad,

rustic · 14-09-2010, 21:47

What's green and turns red at the flick of a switch?

A frog in a liquidiser...

The Patrolman · 14-09-2010, 22:27

An Engerlish man, an Irelandish man and a Walesishman walk into a Pub!!

Bar man .. "Whats this some kind of F@UJkin' joke"

The Patrolman · 14-09-2010, 22:29

Did you hear about the Dyslexic pimp that bought a Wharehouse????

patbhoy · 15-09-2010, 11:33

A priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.

So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, ‘This is a tree.’

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, ‘Tree.’

The priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, ‘This is a rock.’

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, ‘Rock.’

The priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.

The priest is really flustered and quickly responds, ‘Man riding a bike.’

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.

The priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied, ‘My bike.’

patbhoy · 15-09-2010, 11:43

The funny thing is, i could really imagine this happening

patbhoy · 15-09-2010, 11:46

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What does your father do for a living?

Little Bruce was in his junior school class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up:
Fireman, policeman, salesman, politician, etc.

However, little Bruce was being uncharacteristically quiet, and so the teacher asked him about his father. Reluctantly he replied, “My Dad’s an exotic dancer in a gay club, and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer’s really good, he’ll go out with a man, rent a cheap room and let him shag him.”

The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring and then took Little Bruce aside to ask him, “Is that really true about your father?”

“No,” said Bruce, “My father plays football for England, I was just too embarrassed to say that.”

14-09-2010, 07:56	#31
macabethiel Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Derby Vehicle: Freelander & Jeep GC 3.0 Posts: 4,416	bad joke Why did the pervert cross the road ? He couldn't get his knob out of the chicken !

14-09-2010, 21:47	#40
rustic Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Staffordshire Vehicle: Maverick Mk I 2.7 TD LWB Posts: 7,825	What's green and turns red at the flick of a switch? A frog in a liquidiser... __________________ Ford Maverick GLX 1995 2.7TD LWB in illusion silver, 98k miles. Owned since new, for 22 years. Best car I have ever owned. Just wish I could drive it more.

14-09-2010, 14:46	#32
BongoBerry Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Kenley, Surrey Vehicle: Patrol 4.8l & Terrano 2 Posts: 307	whats black, and white and red all over? Answer 1: A newspaper Answer 2: An injured nun

14-09-2010, 16:23	#34
Darwin Guest Posts: n/a	Whats got 5 legs and if it falls out a tree it will kill you .... a grand piano.

14-09-2010, 16:24	#35
Darwin Guest Posts: n/a	whats green and goes backwards ? sniff

14-09-2010, 16:26	#36
Darwin Guest Posts: n/a	This morning they found a second man floating in Barrymores pool ,he was bearded and wearing a dish dash. When asked who he was the SOC officer replied Taliban Suicide Bummer.

14-09-2010, 18:09	#38
tony46 Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: surrey Vehicle: MAVERICK & Ford Focus Posts: 58	why was the man with a cold disqualified from the walking race? because he had a running nose !!!

14-09-2010, 22:27	#41
The Patrolman Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Redcar, Teesside Vehicle: Y60 Patrol 4.2 PeTroll Posts: 2,122	An Engerlish man, an Irelandish man and a Walesishman walk into a Pub!! Bar man .. "Whats this some kind of F@UJkin' joke"

14-09-2010, 22:29	#42
The Patrolman Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Redcar, Teesside Vehicle: Y60 Patrol 4.2 PeTroll Posts: 2,122	Did you hear about the Dyslexic pimp that bought a Wharehouse????

15-09-2010, 11:33	#43
patbhoy Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Bridge of Weir, Scotland Vehicle: Nissan Patrol GR SE 2.8TD Posts: 526	A priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English. So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, ‘This is a tree.’ The chief looks at the tree and grunts, ‘Tree.’ The priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, ‘This is a rock.’ Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, ‘Rock.’ The priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The priest is really flustered and quickly responds, ‘Man riding a bike.’ The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them. The priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way? The chief replied, ‘My bike.’

15-09-2010, 11:43	#44
patbhoy Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Bridge of Weir, Scotland Vehicle: Nissan Patrol GR SE 2.8TD Posts: 526	The funny thing is, i could really imagine this happening

15-09-2010, 11:46	#45
patbhoy Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Bridge of Weir, Scotland Vehicle: Nissan Patrol GR SE 2.8TD Posts: 526	-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What does your father do for a living? Little Bruce was in his junior school class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up: Fireman, policeman, salesman, politician, etc. However, little Bruce was being uncharacteristically quiet, and so the teacher asked him about his father. Reluctantly he replied, “My Dad’s an exotic dancer in a gay club, and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer’s really good, he’ll go out with a man, rent a cheap room and let him shag him.” The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring and then took Little Bruce aside to ask him, “Is that really true about your father?” “No,” said Bruce, “My father plays football for England, I was just too embarrassed to say that.”