daves reincarnation

briggie · 05-07-2017, 21:07

Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white Robe.
Who the hell are you?" demanded Dave, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"
The mysterious man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter."
Dave was stunned "You mean I'm dead!?!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . you've got to send me back straight away."
St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We
can only send you back as a dog or a hen."
Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Dave, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode."
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?"
"Never!" replies Dave.
Well just relax and let it happen"
So he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him . . . Ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting...
"Dave, wake up you drunken bastard, you've shit the bed."

micken · 05-07-2017, 21:23

Class

terranosaurusdoug · 05-07-2017, 21:26

Just about to lay his third egg

Brilliant

Blocky10 · 05-07-2017, 23:15

Didn't smell that coming

solarman216 · 05-07-2017, 23:38

Nice one, Rick

Monaro Pete · 06-07-2017, 05:49

You dragged me in with that one. I wasn't expecting that

rustic · 06-07-2017, 06:00

Very good indeed.

I guess he thought it was an egg as there was a "Lion" on it.

I was poised waiting for what the Rooster had in mind though...

,

macabethiel · 06-07-2017, 06:50

Good un

panelbeater · 06-07-2017, 08:17

crap jokes always get us going.

emjaybee · 06-07-2017, 10:08

05-07-2017, 21:07	#1
briggie Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: peoples democratic republic of west yorkshire Vehicle: " alice " Posts: 10,473	daves reincarnation Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white Robe. Who the hell are you?" demanded Dave, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?" The mysterious man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter." Dave was stunned "You mean I'm dead!?!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . you've got to send me back straight away." St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?" "It's not so bad" replies Dave, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode." "You're ovulating" explained the rooster "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?" "Never!" replies Dave. Well just relax and let it happen" So he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him . . . Ever!!! The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting... "Dave, wake up you drunken bastard, you've shit the bed."

05-07-2017, 23:38	#5
solarman216 Off road maniac Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Bexhill on Sea Vehicle: Y60 Patrol Me, 3 ltr Mrs Posts: 17,430	Nice one, Rick __________________ Ex banger racer now off road maniac Lokka on the front with manual hubs Diff lock on rear 3 inch SS straight through exhaust Manly winch bumper with 13000 lb winch 10 spike ground anchor, with multiple straps and blocks Super strong body cills capped with scaffold pole 20% stronger springs all round aggressive off road tyres on wheels so just swap. Aim to get stuck and be completely self sufficient in extraction, love getting muddy, 2ft deep is good but rare.

06-07-2017, 06:00	#7
rustic Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Staffordshire Vehicle: Maverick Mk I 2.7 TD LWB Posts: 7,825	Very good indeed. I guess he thought it was an egg as there was a "Lion" on it. I was poised waiting for what the Rooster had in mind though..., __________________ Ford Maverick GLX 1995 2.7TD LWB in illusion silver, 98k miles. Owned since new, for 22 years. Best car I have ever owned. Just wish I could drive it more.

06-07-2017, 06:50	#8
macabethiel Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Derby Vehicle: Freelander & Jeep GC 3.0 Posts: 4,416	Chuckle Good un

05-07-2017, 21:23	#2
micken Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2016 Location: Yorkshire Vehicle: 04 Terrano 3l sve TD auto Posts: 158	Class

05-07-2017, 21:26	#3
terranosaurusdoug Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Yorkshire, J33 M62 Vehicle: 2000 Terrano lwb 2.7TDI Posts: 5,500	Just about to lay his third egg Brilliant

05-07-2017, 23:15	#4
Blocky10 Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: Welcome to Norwich, a fine city Vehicle: 2004 Terrano 3.0 SVE Auto Posts: 3,601	Didn't smell that coming

06-07-2017, 05:49	#6
Monaro Pete Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2016 Location: Nr J28 M1 Vehicle: 03 Terrano 2.7 TDi Posts: 995	You dragged me in with that one. I wasn't expecting that

06-07-2017, 08:17	#9
panelbeater Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: clacton on sea essex Vehicle: nissan terrano 2 2.7 tdi Posts: 1,638	crap jokes always get us going.

06-07-2017, 10:08	#10
emjaybee Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oxfordshire Vehicle: 3.0Di SVE '05 5 door. Posts: 1,536