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| The Clubs Virtual Pub For general chat, so come on in and pull up a chair. |
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18-12-2008, 20:47
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#121 | |
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Senior Member
 Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Devizes Wiltshire
Vehicle: Nissan Note Ntec 1.5
Posts: 14,138
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Quote:
but who knows.. thanks floyd... i need all the posts i can get. dont want to post jusT TO GET TEH NUMBERS UP |
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18-12-2008, 23:03
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#122 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: SOCIALIST REPUBLIC OF SOUTH YORKSHIRE
Vehicle: t20 lwb
Posts: 1,238
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monk
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?
> > The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk. > > > The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. > The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car. > That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier. > > > The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk. > > > > The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk? > The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk. > > > > > > The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have traveled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth. > > > > > The monks reply, Congratulations, you are correct and now you are a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound. > > > > > The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door. > > > > > > > > > > The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key? > > > > > > > > > > The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. > > > > > > > > Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. Theman requests the key to the stone door. > > > > > > > The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald,... > > > > > > > > > >...silver, topaz, and amethyst. > > > > > > > > > > Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight > > > > > > > > . . But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk. > > DON'T SWEAR AT ME; I'M STILL HUNTING FOR THE IDIOT WHO SENT THIS TO ME! Dinky Sarcism is the moss gathered on a rolling stone' - Steinbeck |
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18-12-2008, 23:05
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#123 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 553
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21-12-2008, 20:28
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#124 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: basildon essex
Vehicle: transit camper van 1987
Posts: 2,829
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story of one stone
"The Indian With One Testicle"
A true story. There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone final ly cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him by that name any more. Then one day, a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name, until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Birdellow Bird, who was BlueBird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you again, Onestone." Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but YellowBird wouldn't die! Why ??? OH, come on... take a guess !!! Think about it !!! You're going to love this !!! Everyone knows... You can't kill Two Birds withOneStone!!!=2 0 -rotfl- -rotfl- -rotfl- tezzer |
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21-12-2008, 21:50
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#125 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 553
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22-12-2008, 08:06
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#126 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Devizes Wiltshire
Vehicle: Nissan Note Ntec 1.5
Posts: 14,138
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good clean fun
Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, stone, anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, 'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.' The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE. The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly . The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the princess, 'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.' The princess did as she was told, though she turned red . She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after. Question: What was in the prince's pants? (Scroll down for the answer) M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. What were you thinking?? |
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22-12-2008, 10:33
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#127 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: basildon essex
Vehicle: transit camper van 1987
Posts: 2,829
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like it -rotfl- -rotfl- lmao
tezzer |
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22-12-2008, 10:39
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#128 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Norfolk East
Vehicle: terrano11 1995 TD
Posts: 1,955
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: : Where do you get them all from. :roll: |
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22-12-2008, 10:41
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#129 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Devizes Wiltshire
Vehicle: Nissan Note Ntec 1.5
Posts: 14,138
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i get sent some from friends.. ( yes i DO have some )
and i pic a few good one form other 4x4 sites im a member of just to my every one smile... |
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