oh well, joke time, good OR bad

[dinky]

6 Truths of Life





1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.











2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.






3. And discover that The first truth is a lie.






4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.










5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.







6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.



I apologize about this.

I'm an idiot and I needed company ...

[Deleted Member D]

-rotfl- I havnt got all my teeth but I still tried it. -rotfl-

[Paul]

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.


They charged one and let the other one off. : :

[tezzer]

Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of der mornin' to yer sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick 'hello' and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two golf tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those"? asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"Well, what on the God's earth are dey for"? inquires Paddy.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving"
"Fook me", says the Irishman,
"BMW thinks of everything".

[Paul]

There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard.

Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle.

"Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks.

"When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied.

"Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe.

"Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."

[Paul]

An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for.

The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I was going to park there!"

The man was a real smart alec and he said, "That's what you can do when you're young and bright."

Well, this really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car and backed it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes.

The young man ran back to his car and asked, "What did you do that for?"

The little old lady smiled and told him, "That's what you can do when you're old and rich!"
:

[Bat21]

A cowboy goes into a German car show room.

He walks up to the salesman and says.... "Howdy"

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Howdy... Audi... get it
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... ok I'll get my coat :

[Deleted Member D]

Originally Posted by Bat21

A cowboy goes into a German car show room.

He walks up to the salesman and says.... "Howdy"

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Howdy... Audi... get it
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... ok I'll get my coat :

Please do

[zippy656]

yep, think you best had.

ill get mine too, after all i did start this post..

[Bat21]

Q. What's a Catholic priest & a pint of Guinness got in common?

A. Black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!

[Paul]

The Zen Master is visiting London from Tibet.

He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a £20.00 note.

The vendor puts the £ 20.00 in the till and closes it.

"Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master.

The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

[Deleted Member D]

Originally Posted by zippy656

yep, think you best had.

ill get mine too, after all i did start this post..

No No dont blame yourself zippy please cos its a good idea really.
But its bound to attract the triers and the closet wanna be's. :

[Paul]

I was walking down an alley last night, when I heard, "Help! Help!" coming from behind a large bin.

Two thugs were trying to steal an old lady's handbag, but she was putting up a Hell of a fight and wouldn't let go.

I wondered if I should get involved, or keep walking and pretend I didn't see anything... I finally decided that I should help.

It didn't take the three of us very long to get her handbag.

[zippy656]

lol thanks mate..


jsut had a bad week at work ..


30 odd people made redundant..

[Paul]

There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa.
It suddenly had a malfunction and went down.

A few weeks later, PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane.
They found the wreckage but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals.
They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.

The Chief says, "Yeah". When asked where the crew was the Chief replied, "We ate the crew and drank the Pepsi."
The Rescue crew was shocked.

One man asked, "Did you eat their legs?" The chief replied, "We ate their legs and we drank the Pepsi."
Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?" The Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi".
After looking totally perplexed for a minute a third added, "Did you...you know...eat their....things"??

The chief says, "No." "No?" asked the rescuers. "NO", replied the Chief, " THINGS go better with COKE!!!"