A firm with a sense of humour

[tezzer]

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> A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a
> Xmas fancy dress party. He doesn't know what to wear
> to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a
> fancy dress company to explain his problem.
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> A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
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> Dear Sir,
> Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief
> will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be
> just right as a Pirate.
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> The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability,
> so he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives
> another parcel and note:
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> Dear Sir,
> Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's
> habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your
> bald head you will really look the part.
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> The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the
> company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing
> attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong letter of
> complaint. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the
> company with the accompanying letter:
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> Dear Sir,
> Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.
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> We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head,
> stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.

[lacroupade]

[sperko]

I Lick It

[supertaff]

The U.S. Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body.... The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toe. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000 .
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000 .
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied " From the tip of my Weenie to my testicles".
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to re-consider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two officers had received, but the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.
The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop em", which he did. The Medical Officer placed the tape on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. "Dear Lord"! he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles "?
The old Chief calmly replied ............ "Vietnam" !!!

[DaveAMac]

Nice one!