05-07-2017, 21:07 | #1 |
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daves reincarnation
Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white Robe. Who the hell are you?" demanded Dave, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?" The mysterious man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter." Dave was stunned "You mean I'm dead!?!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . you've got to send me back straight away." St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?" "It's not so bad" replies Dave, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode." "You're ovulating" explained the rooster "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?" "Never!" replies Dave. Well just relax and let it happen" So he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him . . . Ever!!! The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting... "Dave, wake up you drunken bastard, you've shit the bed." |
05-07-2017, 21:23 | #2 |
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Class
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05-07-2017, 21:26 | #3 |
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Just about to lay his third egg Brilliant
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05-07-2017, 23:15 | #4 |
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Didn't smell that coming |
05-07-2017, 23:38 | #5 |
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Nice one, Rick
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Ex banger racer now off road maniac Lokka on the front with manual hubs Diff lock on rear 3 inch SS straight through exhaust Manly winch bumper with 13000 lb winch 10 spike ground anchor, with multiple straps and blocks Super strong body cills capped with scaffold pole 20% stronger springs all round aggressive off road tyres on wheels so just swap. Aim to get stuck and be completely self sufficient in extraction, love getting muddy, 2ft deep is good but rare. |
06-07-2017, 05:49 | #6 |
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You dragged me in with that one. I wasn't expecting that
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06-07-2017, 06:00 | #7 |
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Very good indeed.
I guess he thought it was an egg as there was a "Lion" on it. I was poised waiting for what the Rooster had in mind though...,
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Ford Maverick GLX 1995 2.7TD LWB in illusion silver, 98k miles. Owned since new, for 22 years. Best car I have ever owned. Just wish I could drive it more. |
06-07-2017, 06:50 | #8 |
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Chuckle
Good un
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06-07-2017, 08:17 | #9 |
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crap jokes always get us going.
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06-07-2017, 10:08 | #10 |
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