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11-06-2014, 10:02
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#1 |
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Senior Member
 Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: peoples democratic republic of west yorkshire
Vehicle: " alice "
Posts: 10,473
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a few landrover jokes
They say 90% of all Land Rovers manufactured are still on the road.
The other 10% have reached their destination. Land Rovers are just like married women… They moan on long journeys, embarrass you in front of friends and you spend more money than you ever expected once you've committed yourself to one. Traffic cops congratulate you when they issue you a speeding ticket! Why do Land Rovers have jerry cans and gas bottles fitted? So that the driver can make coffee while waiting for AA road assistance. Land Rovers have the best fuel consumption of all 4x4s. That's because they are always being towed by other vehicles. Why do Land Rovers always drive in convoy? They are playing ‘Who’s The Weakest Link?’ When you drive on a toll road, you’ll notice these yellow emergency phones next to the road. Stop and look closer. On the phones there are four emergency numbers listed: Police, ambulance, fire and… Landrover Service! Q: What do you find on page 4 and 5 of a Land Rover Owner's Manual? A: The train & bus timetable. Q: What is the sport version of a Land Rover? A: When the driver wears Nike shoes. Q: What do you call a Land Rover with brakes? A: Customized. Q: What do you do if your Landy gets surrounded by a swarm of killer bees? A: Stop pushing and take refuge inside the vehicle. Q. Why do the latest models have rear window demisters? A. To keep your hands warm when pushing. Land Rover dealers have a special promotion this month… Buy one, and you get a dog for free!! Then you don’t have to walk home alone! |
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11-06-2014, 10:57
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#2 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Sevenoaks, Kent
Vehicle: Terrano 2.7TDi SE Touring
Posts: 5,221
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11-06-2014, 11:25
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#3 |
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Moderator
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: West Midlands
Vehicle: 04 2.7 SWB Terrano II Van
Posts: 13,526
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Some good ones there!!! I like the 90%10% one
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Moderator 04' Terrano II SE 2.7 TDi SWB Commercial in Silver - Project Thread Toyo Open Country M/T 33's on 10J Steels, Super Strong Steering Job Navara D22 Snorkel, Front LOKKA, Maunal Hubs, EGR Blank TunitII ECU Chip, 3" Body Lift, 2" Suss Lift, Heat Exchanger Black Interior, 3.0 Borg&Beck Clutch, Eckes Heated Fuel Filter 99' Y61 Patrol GR SE 2.8 TD6 LWB in Blue/Silver - Project Thread Engine Transplant - In Progress!!! |
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11-06-2014, 11:30
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#4 | |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Sevenoaks, Kent
Vehicle: Terrano 2.7TDi SE Touring
Posts: 5,221
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Quote:
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11-06-2014, 12:23
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#5 |
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Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Staffordshire
Vehicle: Maverick Mk I 2.7 TD LWB
Posts: 7,825
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Some more land rover jokes...
They also used Lucas for most of their equipment too... *** Did you hear about the man whose Land Rover didn't leak oil? The factory took it back and worked on it until it did. *** Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night? They all look the same. He replied, "It doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens !" *** The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark." *** Lucas - "Inventor" of the first intermittent wiper. *** Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp. *** Land Rover three position headlight switch - Dim, Flicker and Off. *** The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics. *** "I have had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou..." *** If Lucas made guns, wars would not start... *** Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators... A few bumper jokes... Land Rover 0-60 in Three Weeks! A Land Rover is for LIFE - not just for Christmas Keep Your distance - you never know what will fall off Warning: This Vehicle Bites! Please remember - YOU ARE MY CRUMPLE ZONE I may be driving a tin bucket - but which scrap yard will yours be in when it's the same age?! If you can read this please flip me over! WARNING: This Landrover may contain NUTS! Don't wash me - just plant Potatoes! This Vehicle has more leaks than the Titanic 1) A Land Rover doesn't leak oil, it just marks it's territory. 2) When putting a Land Rover portrait against the wall, remember to put some old newspapers on the floor to catch the oil leaks. 3) Why is a Land Rovers rear windows heated? So your hands are warm when you push them. 4) Why did they use Land Rovers for the Camel trophy? To make things as difficult as possible for the contestants. 5) With a Land Rover you can't decide whether to park on a hill in case your starter fails or on the flat in case your handbrake fails. 6) How do you get oil into a Land Rover? Throw the oils over the engine and it will leak in. 7) What does the Titanic and a Land Rover have in common? It has the same turning circle and is just as waterproof WHAT DO YOU DO? You are driving in your land rover at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your motor and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Read Below - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Answer: Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round" ... you are pi**ed There are plenty more out there...
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Ford Maverick GLX 1995 2.7TD LWB in illusion silver, 98k miles. Owned since new, for 22 years.  Best car I have ever owned. Just wish I could drive it more. |
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11-06-2014, 18:58
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#6 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Telford, Shropshire
Vehicle: Nissan Patrol y60 4.2d
Posts: 1,287
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Very good
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11-06-2014, 22:25
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#7 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Wales with the sheep
Vehicle: Terrano 2004 2.7 Tdi lwb
Posts: 550
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Are they really that bad ??
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