poor landy owners

zippy656 · 24-02-2010, 12:10

Q: Why do Land Rovers have heated rear windows?
A: To keep your hands warm when you're pushing them.

Q: What goes on pages 4-5 of the Landy’s user's manual?
A: The train & bus schedule.

Q: What is the sport-version of a Landy?
A: The driver wears Nike shoes.

Q: How do you make a Rolls Royce leak oil?
A: Stick a Landy badge onto it.

Q: What do you call a Freelander at the top of a hill?
A: A miracle.

Q: What do you call a Landy with brakes?
A: Customized.

Q: What do you have to do if your Landy gets in the way of a
swarm of killer bees?
A: Stop pushing and take refuge in the car.

Q: How do you make a Landy go faster uphill?
A: Throw out the passenger.

--------------------------------------------------
The New Land Rover range comes out without an oil filler cap.

You just pour the oil over the engine - it finds it's own way in
------------------------------------------------------------
Land Rover are global leaders in alternative energy...........................most Landies are powered by The Trooper towing it.
------------------------------------------------------
What’s the difference between a Golf ball and a LR?

The golf ball you can at least drive for 200 meters....
-----------------------------------

Why do Land Rovers always drive in convoy?

The are playing 'Who's the weakest Link'
--------------------------------
Defenders got the highest rating in Child safety in the Euro ncap test.
It is impossible to slam a kids fingers in the door, the gaps are to wide

--------------------------------
I saw earlier that someone has indeed found out that land rover is actualy an acronym.
L - Legendary
A - and
N - Noble
D - Device

for

R - Regular
O - other
V - Vehicle-make
E - Emergency
R – Recovery

OR:-

LAND ROVER: -

Loud,
Agonizing,
Noisy
Drive -

Rattles
On
Virtually
Every
Road

------------------------------------------

There is a rumour that Defender drivers greet other passing Defenders with a friendly wave, this in fact is untrue. There are merely showing that their hands are clean, and they have not broken down yet.

And here I thought that the number of fingers lifted while waving indicated the number of oil leaks on your Landy! Will have to revise my LandyWave... (but don't think I have enough fingers)

------------------------------------------

Land Rover is one of the most environmentally friendly cars you can find..

It puts the oil back in the earth

--------------------------------

If a Landie does not leak oil - the sump is empty !!

----------------------------
What do you call 1 LR on top of a hill - A miracle.

What do you call 2 LR's on top of a hill - A mirage.
__________________

Did you hear about the man whose Land Rover didn't leak oil?
The factory took it back and worked on it until it did.
__________________

When you take a Land Rover for a valuation they don’t take out the blue book, they take out the scale to weigh it for scrap metal.
--------------------------------------------------------
Driving a Landy is like sleeping with the Ugliest woman you know.......
You can do it JUST NEVER tell your friends!
-----------------------------------------------
Land Rovers don’t have engine numbers only expiry dates.

-------------------------------------------------

There was once a competition between the Isuzu Trooper and the LandRover,
they wanted to determine which of the two is more air tight..
In order to do this they put a cat in each truck and left them overnight...
The next morning the cat in the Trooper was dead and the one in the landy got away....
----------------------------------------

It’s true officer...it just fell off
-------------------------------------------

Did you know that 80% of all Land Rovers ever made are still on the road?

The rest made it home.
-----------------------------------------------------

Every page of your repair manual has fingerprints

--------------------------------------------------
What does the Titanic and a Land Rover have in common? It has the same turning circle and is just as waterproof
------------------------------------------------
Why did they use Land Rovers for the Camel trophy? To make things as difficult as possible for the contestants
-------------------------------------------------
Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch
from another at night? They all look the same. " - "He replied, "It does not matter which one you use, nothing happens !"
----------------------------------------------------------
Why does a Land Rover have so many holes in? For the water to get OUT.
----------------------------------------------------------
When you mount a portrait of a Land Rover against the wall, remember to put newspapers on the floor for the oil leaks.
-------------------------------------------------------
A Land Rover don't leak oil - they're only marking their territory.
------------------------------------------------------
You know its a Land Rover when you stop at the fuel station and ask the attendant to check the fuel level and fill up the oil.
-------------------------------------------------------
All Land Rovers are like women - They leak when you don't want them to, moan on long journey's, embarrass you in front of friends and spend more money than you ever expected once you've commit yourself to one.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a land rover the best vehicle for overlanding in Africa?
If you break down you never have to walk very far before finding another broken down Land Rover you can steal parts from.
---------------------------------------------------------------
There are two man made structures visible from space, the Great Wall of China and the gap in a defenders door frame.

24-02-2010, 12:10	#1
zippy656 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Devizes Wiltshire Vehicle: Nissan Note Ntec 1.5 Posts: 14,138	poor landy owners Q: Why do Land Rovers have heated rear windows? A: To keep your hands warm when you're pushing them. Q: What goes on pages 4-5 of the Landy’s user's manual? A: The train & bus schedule. Q: What is the sport-version of a Landy? A: The driver wears Nike shoes. Q: How do you make a Rolls Royce leak oil? A: Stick a Landy badge onto it. Q: What do you call a Freelander at the top of a hill? A: A miracle. Q: What do you call a Landy with brakes? A: Customized. Q: What do you have to do if your Landy gets in the way of a swarm of killer bees? A: Stop pushing and take refuge in the car. Q: How do you make a Landy go faster uphill? A: Throw out the passenger. -------------------------------------------------- The New Land Rover range comes out without an oil filler cap. You just pour the oil over the engine - it finds it's own way in ------------------------------------------------------------ Land Rover are global leaders in alternative energy...........................most Landies are powered by The Trooper towing it. ------------------------------------------------------ What’s the difference between a Golf ball and a LR? The golf ball you can at least drive for 200 meters.... ----------------------------------- Why do Land Rovers always drive in convoy? The are playing 'Who's the weakest Link' -------------------------------- Defenders got the highest rating in Child safety in the Euro ncap test. It is impossible to slam a kids fingers in the door, the gaps are to wide -------------------------------- I saw earlier that someone has indeed found out that land rover is actualy an acronym. L - Legendary A - and N - Noble D - Device for R - Regular O - other V - Vehicle-make E - Emergency R – Recovery OR:- LAND ROVER: - Loud, Agonizing, Noisy Drive - Rattles On Virtually Every Road ------------------------------------------ There is a rumour that Defender drivers greet other passing Defenders with a friendly wave, this in fact is untrue. There are merely showing that their hands are clean, and they have not broken down yet. And here I thought that the number of fingers lifted while waving indicated the number of oil leaks on your Landy! Will have to revise my LandyWave... (but don't think I have enough fingers) ------------------------------------------ Land Rover is one of the most environmentally friendly cars you can find.. It puts the oil back in the earth -------------------------------- If a Landie does not leak oil - the sump is empty !! ---------------------------- What do you call 1 LR on top of a hill - A miracle. What do you call 2 LR's on top of a hill - A mirage. __________________ Did you hear about the man whose Land Rover didn't leak oil? The factory took it back and worked on it until it did. __________________ When you take a Land Rover for a valuation they don’t take out the blue book, they take out the scale to weigh it for scrap metal. -------------------------------------------------------- Driving a Landy is like sleeping with the Ugliest woman you know....... You can do it JUST NEVER tell your friends! ----------------------------------------------- Land Rovers don’t have engine numbers only expiry dates. ------------------------------------------------- There was once a competition between the Isuzu Trooper and the LandRover, they wanted to determine which of the two is more air tight.. In order to do this they put a cat in each truck and left them overnight... The next morning the cat in the Trooper was dead and the one in the landy got away.... ---------------------------------------- It’s true officer...it just fell off ------------------------------------------- Did you know that 80% of all Land Rovers ever made are still on the road? The rest made it home. ----------------------------------------------------- Every page of your repair manual has fingerprints -------------------------------------------------- What does the Titanic and a Land Rover have in common? It has the same turning circle and is just as waterproof ------------------------------------------------ Why did they use Land Rovers for the Camel trophy? To make things as difficult as possible for the contestants ------------------------------------------------- Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night? They all look the same. " - "He replied, "It does not matter which one you use, nothing happens !" ---------------------------------------------------------- Why does a Land Rover have so many holes in? For the water to get OUT. ---------------------------------------------------------- When you mount a portrait of a Land Rover against the wall, remember to put newspapers on the floor for the oil leaks. ------------------------------------------------------- A Land Rover don't leak oil - they're only marking their territory. ------------------------------------------------------ You know its a Land Rover when you stop at the fuel station and ask the attendant to check the fuel level and fill up the oil. ------------------------------------------------------- All Land Rovers are like women - They leak when you don't want them to, moan on long journey's, embarrass you in front of friends and spend more money than you ever expected once you've commit yourself to one. ---------------------------------------------------------------- Why is a land rover the best vehicle for overlanding in Africa? If you break down you never have to walk very far before finding another broken down Land Rover you can steal parts from. --------------------------------------------------------------- There are two man made structures visible from space, the Great Wall of China and the gap in a defenders door frame.