Dear Dave

[R1cho]

Hey Dave, just having a quick catch up before they turn my internet off, just to let you know that I won't be able to look for those jobs that aren't out there. I would go to the library but it's 4 miles away and what with me being one of the lowest of the benefits scum by being disabled it might take a while to walk, and I hear we are in for a bit of snow but if it comes to the crunch I will dig my way there, hopefully, if I don't die on the way it won't be closed when I get there.
I got a right special tea tonight, stew, how lucky am I? I got the meat and veg on the reduced section which was just as well as it would have been thrown out else, hopefully it will last for a few days then it's back to Asdas own noodles, but hey, food's food isn't it. I'm still a bit cold as well but hey, that's not YOUR fault, it's the councils for not putting in the new windows and wasting the abundance of money you give them on their Christmas party, though I wonder if you might have any other advice on the keeping warm front, I tried the jumper thing but there are only so many clothes you can wear before you can't physically move, not that I have got many but the charity shop down the road is selling jumpers for a pound so I thought I would skip paying my water this week and get myself a couple. I know, I know, it's a blatant waste of money but even us poor need to treat ourselves every now and again. I got my hot water bottle and quilt and I snuggle right down under it but to be honest there is only so long you can stay under there before you start to suffocate.
I just got a summons for the Council Tax, another one, I'm a bit worried about the bailiffs coming though, you hear all sorts of stories about people not being nice to them when they turn up to take all their possessions and these nasty people deserve to get themselves beaten up for not paying their debts in the first place, I'm a bit worried that I might get beaten up because I don't have anything for them to take, anything of value is long gone, I let Cash Converters have it for a tiny fraction of it's worth, though I have to admit I was taken down a peg or two when they kid behind the counter looked at my stereo and said 'it's a bit crap isn't it? £20 is all I can give you on this', though fortunately it wasn't so crappy that they couldn't make a £60 profit on it, I would hate to think they would miss out on a decent bit of money on my 'crap'.
Your mates at the BBC are on my back again demanding money, I did tell them that I really couldn't afford to pay their reasonable licence as I can't afford the electric to watch much telly, they were very understanding and said they would only fine me a thousand quid next time but there won't be one because that's off to cash converters in the next few days along with the rest of my crap. I have to admit though, it makes me a bit sad to know that I can't give your mates at the energy companies any more money to bump up their profits, if I could I would but I can't so perhaps next year they will put up their prices yet again so I get less for my money, just to balance things out a bit.
Oh, and I was so relieved to hear that you are starting to charge people to see their GP, that's a spanking idea, I'm sick to death of phoning them up and not being able to get an appointment, well if I start saving now, when that little gem kicks in I might be able to see a doctor so much quicker because no-one else will be able to afford one.
Anyway Dave, I got to ask you a question here, I don't like questioning you because I know you are only doing all this for my benefit but it would seem to me that only you and yours and the undertakers are actually doing ok in these hard times and I was wondering if you have bought up all the funeral homes so you could boost your income a little.
Times are hard for me and millions of others but I am one of the lucky ones, there's more than plenty out there that are worse off than me and I am pretty sure that most of them will agree with me on this one, you may take out hope, dignity and lives but you will NEVER get our votes and that DAVE, warms the cockles of my heart.
Catch you soon!