Caution !!! Very rude joke !!!

[emjaybee]

If you are easily offended....

... read no further !!!!







Once upon a time a hunter decided he would explore the local forest to see what quarry was about.

He had been travelling through the forest for a while when he thought he saw something up ahead in the undergrowth. Moving forward he steadied himself and raised his rifle. Peering through the scope it seemed to be a large bear. He took a breath and squeezed the trigger. BANG. Looking through the scope after the rifle bucked he could see no bear. He slung his rifle over his shoulder and went to look. When he got to the spot, no bear! Not a trace! He had a look around, no sign at all. As he stood there he felt a tap on the shoulder. Turning around he found a seven foot large brown bear staring him in the eye. “There’s no bear hunting in these woods”, said the bear, and with that, bent the poor hunter over the nearest fallen log, ripped his trousers off and gave him a right good rodgering.

The poor hunter staggered out of the woods vowing vengeance.

A couple of weeks later, after he had recovered, and been to his local gunshop to purchase something larger, the hunter set out for revenge. Travelling through the forest for a while, he saw a glimmer in the forest. Creeping forward he raised his .50 calibre assault rifle to his shoulder. There it was. The bear. BOOM. Catching his balance he peered through the scope. Nothing! “Not possible” he muttered under his breath. He moved forward. Again, nothing, not a sign, not even any blood trails. Frustrated, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to face the bear looming over him. “I told you, no bear hunting in these woods”. He threw the hunter to the ground, tore off his trousers and shafted him over a rock.

Dazed, the hunter made his way back to his truck. “I’ll make him pay for this” said the hunter to himself.

A month later, after an uncomfortable recovery and some phone calls, the hunter took delivery of a powerful machine gun. Setting off with a determined mind he ventured forth. Finding tracks in the forest he found a likely hiding place and dug himself and his machine gun into a well hidden nest. After a couple of days he saw movement. Looking through his spotting scope, he spied the bear. BRRRRR, BRRRRRR, BRRRRRR, BRRRRRR. The hunter emptied the belt and looked. Shreds of trees and bushes rained down obscuring everything else. He rose from his hide-out elated with his likely success. Nothing! Unbelievably not a shred of fur, bone, blood, nothing. Dismayed, the hunter was awoken from his thoughts by a tap on the shoulder. He gulped and slowly turned around. “I’ve told you twice already, there’s no bear hunting in these woods”. The bear threw the hunter to the ground, removed his trousers and buggered him almost unconscious.

The hunter crawled out of the forest. “It can’t end like this” he decreed.

Three months later following an extended hospital stay and some phone calls to some shady folk the hunter was ready for payback. Armed to the teeth with a shoulder mounted rocket launcher he set out for payback. Using the black market infra red and thermal trackers he had procured he soon found his target. The scope sensors confirmed it, the bear! Locking on he pulled the trigger. WHOOOOSSSSSSH, KERBOOOOM. The dust was thick as he ventured forward. Reaching the site of the missiles impact, devastation was everywhere. A crater six feet across, two foot deep, vegetation cleared in a thirty foot radius. He sifted through the debris, but alas, there was no trace of the bear. “How could this be possible?” he shouted. His shoulders slumped as he felt a tap. He reluctantly turned around to face the bear, standing there, unscathed.



“I’m starting to think you’re not coming here for the hunting” said the bear.





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