dear mum and dad

[briggie]

Dear Mum and Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I've eloped
with my new boyfriend.
I've found real love and he is so nice.
Especially with all his piercings, scars, tattoos, and his big motorcycle.
But it's not only that, I'm pregnant, and Ahmed said that we will be very
happy in his trailer in the woods.
He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams.
I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for
us and his friends.
They're the one's providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could
ever want.
In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find the AIDS cure, so Ahmed
gets better. He deserves it.
Don' t worry about money. Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that
his friends Leroy and Jamal make in their basement.
Apparently I can earn £50 a scene. I get a £50 bonus if there are more than
three men in the scene, and an extra £100 if they use the horse.
Don't worry Mum. Now I'm 15 years old, I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter
Aimee

p.s: Dad, it's not true..... I'm watching TV at a neighbour's house.
I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than
ENGLAND GETTING BEAT ON F*CKING PENALTIES AGAIN,.