Viz motoring tips

Ian Hunt · 14-03-2010, 10:59

Put a stop to car thieves by siphoning off all your petrol whenever
you park your car, and carrying it round with you in one or two
plastic buckets.
D. Griffiths, Kent.

Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the
direction of oncoming traffic.
D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead.

When crossing a one-way street always look in BOTH directions in case
a large, blue furniture removal lorry is reversing the wrong way up
the road.
D. Rogers Hemel, Hempstead General Infirmary.

I regularly drive to the pub, but am never guilty of drink driving.
The secret is to consume so much alcohol that by closing time you have
completely forgotten ever owning a car.
Mike Grey, Essex.

A next door neighbours car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal
coat hanger in an emergency.
Nick Jeggo, Adbaston, Staffs.

Next time you go drink driving ask a friend or relative to follow you
on a moped carrying a camera. Then, if you crash, they can take the
blame.
Bastien Phelp, Bath.

Car cigarette lighters make ideal mini "High Chaparral" style branding
irons.
J.T. Thropton.

LORRY DRIVERS. Make motorway driving more interesting by waiting until a car is overtaking you before pulling out from the inside lane. This is even more fun when there are two cars side by side in the two right hand lanes.

BY using arm signals only at junctions, one can lull motorists into thinking your indicator lights are defective.

DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.

BUS DRIVERS. Raise your overall self-esteem and self-importance in life by stopping your vehicle every time a bus approaches from the opposite direction in order to converse with fellow drivers. This is particularly effective in rush hour traffic!

IF you like riding motorbikes then always wear leather trousers, even if you haven't got your bike with you. This will let other motorbike riders recognise you, while making everybody else unsure about your sexuality. Wear a neck scarf and cap and start losing your hair to
enhance the effect.

CAR thieves: Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.

MOTORISTS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

Deleted account DD · 14-03-2010, 18:27

Try not to use your indicators too often,

They use electricity which your engine needs to burn petrol to provide leccy into the battery and also the bulbs are very expensive and you dont want to wear them out too quickly.

14-03-2010, 10:59	#1
Ian Hunt Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Peak District Vehicle: '99 Terrano II SE Touring Posts: 125	Viz motoring tips Put a stop to car thieves by siphoning off all your petrol whenever you park your car, and carrying it round with you in one or two plastic buckets. D. Griffiths, Kent. Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic. D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead. When crossing a one-way street always look in BOTH directions in case a large, blue furniture removal lorry is reversing the wrong way up the road. D. Rogers Hemel, Hempstead General Infirmary. I regularly drive to the pub, but am never guilty of drink driving. The secret is to consume so much alcohol that by closing time you have completely forgotten ever owning a car. Mike Grey, Essex. A next door neighbours car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency. Nick Jeggo, Adbaston, Staffs. Next time you go drink driving ask a friend or relative to follow you on a moped carrying a camera. Then, if you crash, they can take the blame. Bastien Phelp, Bath. Car cigarette lighters make ideal mini "High Chaparral" style branding irons. J.T. Thropton. LORRY DRIVERS. Make motorway driving more interesting by waiting until a car is overtaking you before pulling out from the inside lane. This is even more fun when there are two cars side by side in the two right hand lanes. BY using arm signals only at junctions, one can lull motorists into thinking your indicator lights are defective. DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way. BUS DRIVERS. Raise your overall self-esteem and self-importance in life by stopping your vehicle every time a bus approaches from the opposite direction in order to converse with fellow drivers. This is particularly effective in rush hour traffic! IF you like riding motorbikes then always wear leather trousers, even if you haven't got your bike with you. This will let other motorbike riders recognise you, while making everybody else unsure about your sexuality. Wear a neck scarf and cap and start losing your hair to enhance the effect. CAR thieves: Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat. MOTORISTS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

14-03-2010, 18:27	#2
Deleted account DD Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 4,705	Try not to use your indicators too often, They use electricity which your engine needs to burn petrol to provide leccy into the battery and also the bulbs are very expensive and you dont want to wear them out too quickly.