oh well, joke time, good OR bad - Page 7

zippy656 · 06-12-2008, 23:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by floyd500b

Oh Dear :wink:

ops: OOOps just checked the thread title, I see bad jokes ARE allowed.

Cheers

Graham

i started it asbag jokes only, but some were getting good so had to change the tile...

Terranosaurus · 07-12-2008, 22:39

abdull:- how was your holiday rashid?

rashid :- not bad but the muder mystery weekend in mumbi was a bit intense.

Terranosaurus · 07-12-2008, 22:42

Two goldfish in a tank, one turns to the other and says.....

do you know how to drive this thing?

(RIP) PLANK · 07-12-2008, 23:14

doctor you have to get this steering wheel out of my pants!

its driving me nuts!

:

Paul · 08-12-2008, 02:10

Here are a few pics of the sorts of jobs that you don't find many people applying for :-

Errrm anyone got a torch?

Not one for the easily scared.....

Maybe you should have called the plumber just a bit earlier.

So that's why it's called a manhole.

It brings a whole new meaning to "Porta Poti"

Hope these made you smile. Remember there is always someone worse off than you.

Paul..

zippy656 · 08-12-2008, 19:53

I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.
So I pushed the old lady over

zippy656 · 08-12-2008, 19:54

You learn a lot in your teenage years.

For example, I learnt that
if you're ever being chased by a police dog, try not to go through
a little tunnel, then onto a mini-seesaw and then jump through a
ring of fire......they've been trained for that.

zippy656 · 08-12-2008, 19:55

A lorry carrying copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed on the M1 yesterday, shedding it's load
across the carriageway......... Onlookers are said to be stunned, bewildered, dumbfounded,
astonished, shocked, flabbergasted, startled, speechless and amazed.

zippy656 · 08-12-2008, 19:56

I tried to cook an African casserole for dinner last night using Hyena meat and oxo cubes.
It didn't turn out well and just made myself a laughing stock.

A coach carrying a hundred professional stuntmen to a convention had an accident on the motorway.
It crashed through the central reservation, ploughed into a juggernaut, fell thirty feet down an
embankment and turned over six times before hitting a wall, bursting into flames and exploding.
No one was injured.

Paul · 08-12-2008, 20:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by zippy656

I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.
So I pushed the old lady over

Hope you emptied her pockets before you helped her back up!! :wink:

Paul · 09-12-2008, 21:23

The Village Idiot

One day God was hanging out at the Pearly Gates with St. Paul.

"I need to find someone to run for president," he said after a while.

Attentive to his boss' needs, St. Paul started naming off a few qualified candidates.

"Nah, I want that guy," he said pointing to a drunken Texas governor weeing off a balcony.

"You've got to be kidding," said St. Paul, "Not only is he dumber than a box of rocks, he's got drinking and drug problems."

"I don't care," said God, "This is the guy."

Perplexed, St. Paul asked: "What is the problem, Lord, art thou angry with the Americans?"

"No," said God, "I made a bet with the Devil that I could get a village idiot to run for president."

"But won't that work in the Devil's favor, oh Lord?" Paul asked.

"That's all right," said God, "he'll never take Florida."

Paul · 13-12-2008, 20:08

The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday. The
announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the
British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some
Liverpudlian youngsters.

The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on
how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels
in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment whereas Ferrari's
existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds
worth of high tech equipment. It was thought to be an excellent, bold
move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in
the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.

However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first
practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all
four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had
re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases
of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the
shower!

:roll: :roll:

floyd500b · 13-12-2008, 20:16

Nice

:

(RIP) PLANK · 13-12-2008, 20:34

can we see the photos :wink:

:

Deleted Member D · 13-12-2008, 21:42

This is bad. .................................................. ......................................
Why did the baby biscuit cry ?
Cos its mum was a wafer so long.

08-12-2008, 02:10	#95
Paul Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: North West Vehicle: 2002 Terrano 3.0 Di LWB Posts: 1,961	Here are a few pics of the sorts of jobs that you don't find many people applying for :- Errrm anyone got a torch? Not one for the easily scared..... Maybe you should have called the plumber just a bit earlier. So that's why it's called a manhole. It brings a whole new meaning to "Porta Poti" Hope these made you smile. Remember there is always someone worse off than you. Paul.. __________________ 2002 Terrano 3.0 Di LWB..

09-12-2008, 21:23	#101
Paul Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: North West Vehicle: 2002 Terrano 3.0 Di LWB Posts: 1,961	The Village Idiot One day God was hanging out at the Pearly Gates with St. Paul. "I need to find someone to run for president," he said after a while. Attentive to his boss' needs, St. Paul started naming off a few qualified candidates. "Nah, I want that guy," he said pointing to a drunken Texas governor weeing off a balcony. "You've got to be kidding," said St. Paul, "Not only is he dumber than a box of rocks, he's got drinking and drug problems." "I don't care," said God, "This is the guy." Perplexed, St. Paul asked: "What is the problem, Lord, art thou angry with the Americans?" "No," said God, "I made a bet with the Devil that I could get a village idiot to run for president." "But won't that work in the Devil's favor, oh Lord?" Paul asked. "That's all right," said God, "he'll never take Florida." __________________ 2002 Terrano 3.0 Di LWB..

13-12-2008, 20:08	#102
Paul Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: North West Vehicle: 2002 Terrano 3.0 Di LWB Posts: 1,961	The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday. The announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment. It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team. However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the shower! :roll: :roll: __________________ 2002 Terrano 3.0 Di LWB..

13-12-2008, 20:16	#103
floyd500b Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: UK Posts: 553	Nice : : :

13-12-2008, 21:42	#105
Deleted Member D Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 1,441	Baby cry This is bad. .................................................. ...................................... Why did the baby biscuit cry ? Cos its mum was a wafer so long.

07-12-2008, 22:39	#92
Terranosaurus Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: YORKSHIRE Vehicle: 2001 2.7 TDi T2 SWB Posts: 4,077	abdull:- how was your holiday rashid? rashid :- not bad but the muder mystery weekend in mumbi was a bit intense.

07-12-2008, 22:42	#93
Terranosaurus Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: YORKSHIRE Vehicle: 2001 2.7 TDi T2 SWB Posts: 4,077	Two goldfish in a tank, one turns to the other and says..... do you know how to drive this thing?

07-12-2008, 23:14	#94
(RIP) PLANK Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Central England, in the Heart of the Black Country Vehicle: T2 2004 TDI SE LWB Posts: 7,740	doctor you have to get this steering wheel out of my pants! its driving me nuts! :

08-12-2008, 19:53	#96
zippy656 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Devizes Wiltshire Vehicle: Nissan Note Ntec 1.5 Posts: 14,138	I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance. So I pushed the old lady over

08-12-2008, 19:54	#97
zippy656 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Devizes Wiltshire Vehicle: Nissan Note Ntec 1.5 Posts: 14,138	You learn a lot in your teenage years. For example, I learnt that if you're ever being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a little tunnel, then onto a mini-seesaw and then jump through a ring of fire......they've been trained for that.

08-12-2008, 19:55	#98
zippy656 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Devizes Wiltshire Vehicle: Nissan Note Ntec 1.5 Posts: 14,138	A lorry carrying copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed on the M1 yesterday, shedding it's load across the carriageway......... Onlookers are said to be stunned, bewildered, dumbfounded, astonished, shocked, flabbergasted, startled, speechless and amazed.

08-12-2008, 19:56	#99
zippy656 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Devizes Wiltshire Vehicle: Nissan Note Ntec 1.5 Posts: 14,138	I tried to cook an African casserole for dinner last night using Hyena meat and oxo cubes. It didn't turn out well and just made myself a laughing stock. A coach carrying a hundred professional stuntmen to a convention had an accident on the motorway. It crashed through the central reservation, ploughed into a juggernaut, fell thirty feet down an embankment and turned over six times before hitting a wall, bursting into flames and exploding. No one was injured.

13-12-2008, 20:34	#104
(RIP) PLANK Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Central England, in the Heart of the Black Country Vehicle: T2 2004 TDI SE LWB Posts: 7,740	can we see the photos :wink: :