A typical day in my world.

[macabethiel]

Missus goes out for the day and asks me to do just one job its to paint a shelf on a wooden built in bookcase that has a big ring mark on it from some nail varnish remover bottle that was leaking. Its an easy job as its in a standard Satin White Colour that I have a tin of from Aldi bargain section or the "Centre Man Aisle" as I like to call it.

I get up have a coffee and carefully remove the books on the shelf that needs painting. I go into the garage to find some 400 grit Wet & Dry to smooth things nice and flat first. As I am not sure where the Wet & Dry is I move the car out of the garage first to make it all a little easier.

I realise the workbench is covered in stuff so I have a good tidy up and arrange stuff in the cupboards and after an hour or so have tidied up packet of Wet & Dry is in my hand.

I notice its quite a nice day and the car needs a wash and vaccum. Next hour spent giving the car a nice clean and its put back in the garage. Then its a ten minute search to find the safe plaace where I have put the Wet & Dry.

Into house and notice that the door from kitchen to hall is a bit squeeky and closes poorly. Back into the garage find WD 40 and screwdriver to tighten loose hinge. Hinge will not tighten as screw just turns need a bigger screw with same size head. Spend 40 minutes in gagarge and find 2 screws but need 3. Trip to Screwfix to buy a range of screws.

Outside Screwfix bump into an old work mate whose name I can't quite bring to mind we chat for 30 minutes and I return home. Its lunchtime and local pub do a cheap mid day lunch costs £4.99 including a pint. After a couple of hours of pub talk about life in general but nothing in particular return home.

Spend another half an hour searching for the Wet & Dry before I am ready to take the lid off the paint tin. Realise it would be sensible to put some old clothes on as I do not want to ruin my everyday wear.

Get changed and doorbell rings its someone flogging me free religion. I don't want to be seen as rude so listen for a few minutes then use my exit strategy - I am a catholic (lapsed). Back to the tin of paint and as I am set to remove the lid decide I need a coffee and some biscuits first.

Decide to flick through the TV channels whilst having my afternoon tea break. Its an episode of World at War about Burma so its a must watch. Look at watch and not much time left before the Boss returns so get painting. As I apply the colour it starts to bubble up the previous coat of paint. Stop and decide to rub it down to bare wood and start again. Whole room now dust covered so need to get the Hoover out. Find enough primer in an old tin to prime the shelf in a nice shade of pink.

Read tin - do not apply next coat until completely dry - leave for 24 hours. Missus returns home and the standard line is spoken.

"Is that all you have done what have you been doing all day".

Now I make the Man Mistake of thinking that that was a question - how stupid of me.

[briggie]

.......... I feel for you mate ....... women just don't understand

[rustic]

Normally when you get to the hoover stage, you realise that the bag is full, can't find the new ones, but you know they were under the sink somewhere...
You find three different types for hoovers that you may have had in the past... can't find them, so... onto the net, order some and pay... you happen to log into this forum... and get a bit carried away with the time...

THIS is when your wife comes in, sees you " playing" on the computer, the kitchen floor is a mess as you emptied both shelves looking for the hoover bags, the hoover is sitting part dismantled in the corner, surrounded by a ring of dust, as you ripped the bag removing it... there are books all over the floor... dust on the shelf, your breath smells of beer and onions...

Believe me...SHE doesn't have to ask what you have been doing all day does she ? ...



Who is going to write part three lol....?

[macabethiel]

It's a loaded question to ensure we are made to feel inadequate I think they actually don't want to admit there is a brain attached to a man not just his gonad.

[rustic]

As a modern husband, most of us do something around the house.
Sometimes you could spend the whole day, cleaning the windows, wiping the skirting boards, doors, frames, worktops, mop the floor, dust every horizontal surface in the house, empty the dishwasher etc and they take one look at the carpet with a few crumbs on it and.... What have you been doing all day?

But what I learnt, is hoover all of the downstairs carpets and hurrah... 1000 brownie points.
So guys do what I do... I open the dining room door and hoover in a perfect straight line in alternating directions, leaving beautiful stripes like wembley stadium.
Drives her mad.... But she knows you've done the hoovering..
No need to ask what you have done all day, and if you're quick, you can do it in a few minutes...

Now the best part... she is so pi**ed off with it, she tells her friends in front of you.... 5000 brownie points from them... as they can't get their husbands to plug their hoover in, and would prefer straight lines over having to do it themselves. Result...

So what hoover model do we have?

It's called the Hoover qualcast...

[macabethiel]

Lol you are so right !

I am accused of getting distracted but to me its logic you start at the top and work your way down and if during the journey you see another job that needs doing and its "Blokes Work" you get on with it.

Replace that buzzing light switch, no point in cleaning nice mirrored wardrobe doors befor you have fixed the runner high spot.etc etc

[jonela]

So you see the trouble with women is they lack the ability to use pure logic ,were as a man has an in built logic system. A woman will get it in to her head that something needs doing so if she has what she thinks is necessary to hand she will just get on and do it. Unfortunately this hardly ever works as we know.
In most cases to do a job properly, it must have at least three weeks of looking at ,followed by another day of working out exactly what you need to do it. then you must consider its impact on other things in close proximate where you inevitably fined another job, that logically should be don first, but in order to do said job with the least disruption, it would logical to do it at the same time as a job that has been planed for later in the year.

[rustic]

I love these replies, it enables me to build up a stock of excuses... sorry reasons for not starting a job...

[elty001]

One thing I have learnt not to say when the Mrs tells me she has done 4 loads of washing is all you did is put it in the washer,it's not like you have been down to the local brook and done it by hand
Takes 90 mins a cycle so that's 10 coffee's and 6 hours worth of Jeremy kyle

[AlexD333]

This is awesome, my missus wouldn't stand for this though

[macabethiel]

We have not been rumbled yet !!