oh well, joke time, good OR bad - Page 6

elty001 · 01-12-2008, 21:36

what did the blonde girl say when she opened a box of cheerio's?
oh look doughnut seeds........ :?

two blonde girls walking down the street when one finds a mirror on the floor.she picks it up,looks in it and says to her mate"i know that face but i just can't think who it is"
her mate says "give it here and let me have a look"
she looks in the mirror and laughs"its me you dizzy cow!!"

a blonde,brunette and a redhead are on the run and they decide to to hide in a barn over night.in the early hours of the morning the police are searching all the buildings on the farm so the 3 girls decide to hide in some big sacks until the police have gone.
the police come into the barn and have a good look round.
all they can see is hay bales and a pile of sacks.the copper smacked the first sack in which the brunette was hiding and she meowed.just cats thought the copper.
he smacks the next sack in which the redhead was hiding and she yelped and barked.just puppies thought the copper.
he smacks the third sack in which the blonde was hiding and she shouted potatoes.......

(RIP) PLANK · 01-12-2008, 22:16

dabda the one about the gloves was in my opinion the best one yet! well done -cheers-

Bat21 · 02-12-2008, 20:54

I once knew an alcoholic who had dyslexia. He choked to death on his own Vimto

:

elty001 · 02-12-2008, 20:58

i went to a dyslexic rave once...they were taking f's and injecting herons.

(RIP) PLANK · 02-12-2008, 21:37

and what about the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to santa?

:

robobone · 02-12-2008, 21:52

i spilt alabhet spagetti on my keybored today
nearly spelt danger

:
i thought it was funny

ops:

dinky · 03-12-2008, 08:38

The Original Computer!!!!

Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity

A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account

A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived

And if you had a 3 inch floppy.

?You just hoped nobody ever found out!?!

?

floyd500b · 03-12-2008, 09:51

-mex-

tezzer · 03-12-2008, 11:05

-rotfl- -rotfl- -rotfl-

Paul · 05-12-2008, 16:45

Mummy, Mummy, Mummy. Can I have a puppy for Christmas ?
No.
You'll have turkey like everyone else.

Knock Knock
Who's there
Hannah
Hannah who
Hannah partridge in a pear tree

Advice from Santa
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue
Until all the birds have flown South for the winter

What do you call a reindeer in the desert?
Lost

How does Good King Wencelas like his pizza ?
Deep pan, crisp and even

What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle

Santa's sleigh broke down last christmas
He flagged down a passing motorist and asked if he could help
The motorist replied "I'm sorry, I am not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
Santa asked "In that case, can you give me a tow?"

floyd500b · 05-12-2008, 20:05

Oh Dear :wink:

ops: OOOps just checked the thread title, I see bad jokes ARE allowed.

Cheers

Graham

Paul · 05-12-2008, 20:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by floyd500b

Oh Dear :wink:

ops: OOOps just checked the thread title, I see bad jokes ARE allowed.

Cheers

Graham

ops:

ops: :mrgreen:

floyd500b · 05-12-2008, 20:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paul332

Quote:

Originally Posted by floyd500b

Oh Dear :wink:

ops: OOOps just checked the thread title, I see bad jokes ARE allowed.

Cheers

Graham

ops:

ops: :mrgreen:

No Worries :smile: :smile:

Deleted Member D · 06-12-2008, 23:05

1) I saw a fat woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said 'Thyroid
problem?'

2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.

5) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

6) A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! >From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.

8) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

9) S*x is like playing bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

10) I saw six men = kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

11) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

12) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

13) You know that look women get when they want s*x? No, me neither

14) Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

15) I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

16) Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

Deleted Member D · 06-12-2008, 23:07

PETER KAY'S
UNIVERSAL TRUTHS

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

5) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

6) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

7) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

8) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

9) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

10) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

11) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

12) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

13) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

14) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

15) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

16) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

17) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

01-12-2008, 21:36	#76
elty001 Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Aflreton,Derbyshire. Vehicle: 2000se+ 2.7tdi terrano II Posts: 6,832	blonde jokes what did the blonde girl say when she opened a box of cheerio's? oh look doughnut seeds........ :? two blonde girls walking down the street when one finds a mirror on the floor.she picks it up,looks in it and says to her mate"i know that face but i just can't think who it is" her mate says "give it here and let me have a look" she looks in the mirror and laughs"its me you dizzy cow!!" a blonde,brunette and a redhead are on the run and they decide to to hide in a barn over night.in the early hours of the morning the police are searching all the buildings on the farm so the 3 girls decide to hide in some big sacks until the police have gone. the police come into the barn and have a good look round. all they can see is hay bales and a pile of sacks.the copper smacked the first sack in which the brunette was hiding and she meowed.just cats thought the copper. he smacks the next sack in which the redhead was hiding and she yelped and barked.just puppies thought the copper. he smacks the third sack in which the blonde was hiding and she shouted potatoes.......

02-12-2008, 20:58	#79
elty001 Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Aflreton,Derbyshire. Vehicle: 2000se+ 2.7tdi terrano II Posts: 6,832	RAVE i went to a dyslexic rave once...they were taking f's and injecting herons.

03-12-2008, 08:38	#82
dinky Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: SOCIALIST REPUBLIC OF SOUTH YORKSHIRE Vehicle: t20 lwb Posts: 1,238	early pc pre 1972 The Original Computer!!!! Memory was something you lost with age An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano A web was a spider's home A virus was the flu A CD was a bank account A hard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And if you had a 3 inch floppy. ?You just hoped nobody ever found out!?! ?

05-12-2008, 16:45	#85
Paul Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: North West Vehicle: 2002 Terrano 3.0 Di LWB Posts: 1,961	Corny Christmas Jokes Mummy, Mummy, Mummy. Can I have a puppy for Christmas ? No. You'll have turkey like everyone else. Knock Knock Who's there Hannah Hannah who Hannah partridge in a pear tree Advice from Santa Never catch snowflakes with your tongue Until all the birds have flown South for the winter What do you call a reindeer in the desert? Lost How does Good King Wencelas like his pizza ? Deep pan, crisp and even What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle Santa's sleigh broke down last christmas He flagged down a passing motorist and asked if he could help The motorist replied "I'm sorry, I am not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist." Santa asked "In that case, can you give me a tow?" __________________ 2002 Terrano 3.0 Di LWB..

06-12-2008, 23:05	#89
Deleted Member D Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 1,441	Peter Kay one liners 1) I saw a fat woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said 'Thyroid problem?' 2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. 3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. 4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder. 5) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. 6) A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals. 7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! >From there on it was sticks and stones all the way. 8) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade. 9) Sx is like playing bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. 10) I saw six men = kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.' 11) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat? 12) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. 13) You know that look women get when they want sx? No, me neither 14) Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living. 15) I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. 16) Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

01-12-2008, 22:16	#77
(RIP) PLANK Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Central England, in the Heart of the Black Country Vehicle: T2 2004 TDI SE LWB Posts: 7,740	dabda the one about the gloves was in my opinion the best one yet! well done -cheers-

02-12-2008, 20:54	#78
Bat21 Administrator Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Shropshire Vehicle: Tonka Toy Posts: 1,044	I once knew an alcoholic who had dyslexia. He choked to death on his own Vimto :

02-12-2008, 21:37	#80
(RIP) PLANK Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Central England, in the Heart of the Black Country Vehicle: T2 2004 TDI SE LWB Posts: 7,740	and what about the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to santa? :

02-12-2008, 21:52	#81
robobone Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: midlands Vehicle: 1997 maverick gls Posts: 1,060	i spilt alabhet spagetti on my keybored today nearly spelt danger : i thought it was funny ops:

03-12-2008, 09:51	#83
floyd500b Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: UK Posts: 553	-mex-

03-12-2008, 11:05	#84
tezzer Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: basildon essex Vehicle: transit camper van 1987 Posts: 2,829	-rotfl- -rotfl- -rotfl-

05-12-2008, 20:05	#86
floyd500b Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: UK Posts: 553	Oh Dear :wink: ops: OOOps just checked the thread title, I see bad jokes ARE allowed. Cheers Graham

06-12-2008, 23:07	#90
Deleted Member D Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 1,441	Peter Kay truths PETER KAY'S UNIVERSAL TRUTHS 1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones. 2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying. 3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger. 4) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly. 5) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden. 6) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl. 7) You never know where to look when eating a banana. 8) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses. 9) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity. 10) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush. 11) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee. 12) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited. 13) Old ladies can eat more than you think. 14) You can't respect a man who carries a dog. 15) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan. 16) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with. 17) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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