Two Cows

zippy656 · 20-10-2010, 21:25

Two Cows

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.

FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.You charge the owners for storing them.

CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy..

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive

larson · 20-10-2010, 21:32

speaking of cows, the sister of the production manager ( at work)is in intensive care after getting attacked by cows. she was the third person they got..

The Patrolman · 20-10-2010, 21:53

My cousin owns a farm and has cows!
One kicked him in the thigh and put him off his feet for 3 months!
When we went to visit we had some of said cow for sunday lunch and it was nice!!!!

The Patrolman · 20-10-2010, 21:54

RUSSIAN CORPORATION - Really made me laugh!!!

briggie · 20-10-2010, 22:09

2 cows in a field , one says to the other ....

hey ermintrude , what do you think of this mad cow disease ?

" doesnt affect me , im a duck "

The Patrolman · 20-10-2010, 22:19

.........

.............

Punch line .." Good job you didn't ask the black ( sorry abscence of colour ) horse he knows nowt aboot cars!!"

20-10-2010, 21:25	#1
zippy656 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Devizes Wiltshire Vehicle: Nissan Note Ntec 1.5 Posts: 14,138	Two Cows Two Cows SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead. ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull. THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them. FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide. GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.You charge the owners for storing them. CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them. BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad. IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.. AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive

20-10-2010, 21:32	#2
larson Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: moomin vally Posts: 1,138	speaking of cows, the sister of the production manager ( at work)is in intensive care after getting attacked by cows. she was the third person they got..

20-10-2010, 21:53	#3
The Patrolman Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Redcar, Teesside Vehicle: Y60 Patrol 4.2 PeTroll Posts: 2,122	My cousin owns a farm and has cows! One kicked him in the thigh and put him off his feet for 3 months! When we went to visit we had some of said cow for sunday lunch and it was nice!!!!

20-10-2010, 21:54	#4
The Patrolman Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Redcar, Teesside Vehicle: Y60 Patrol 4.2 PeTroll Posts: 2,122	RUSSIAN CORPORATION - Really made me laugh!!!

20-10-2010, 22:09	#5
briggie Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: peoples democratic republic of west yorkshire Vehicle: " alice " Posts: 10,473	2 cows in a field , one says to the other .... hey ermintrude , what do you think of this mad cow disease ? " doesnt affect me , im a duck "

20-10-2010, 22:19	#6
The Patrolman Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Redcar, Teesside Vehicle: Y60 Patrol 4.2 PeTroll Posts: 2,122	......... ............. Punch line .." Good job you didn't ask the black ( sorry abscence of colour ) horse he knows nowt aboot cars!!"