Farmer jokes (English of course).....

[lacroupade]

A bloke on a tractor has just driven through the high street full of Saturday morning shoppers shouting "Mark my words,We are doomed, Mother Earth is finished and we are all going to die a slow and painful death"

No need to worry I thought it's only Farmer Geddon.

============================================

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his willie into one of the tubes, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic!

Soon, he realised that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, and he'd shot his bolt, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove his dick from the machine and things were starting to get a bit sore.

He read the manual frantically but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the machine, but still without success.

Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his mobile phone.

'Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?'

'Don't worry,' replied the customer service rep,..... 'the machine will release automatically, just as soon as it's collected two gallons.'

[rustic]

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull." Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Jennie, pull." Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull." And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

[rustic]

A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster.


Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers. Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared.


The man somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him."



"Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "the hens are round the back."

[lacroupade]

eeeuuuwww!