Is malt whisky good for you ?

[rustic]

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 6th form class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of single malt scotch and two worms. "Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whisky. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.

Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded...

"Drink whisky and you won't get worms!"

[emjaybee]

[rustic]

Originally Posted by emjaybee

Don't encourage me lol... here's another, old one, but in the same style.


Paddy had been drinking whiskey at his local pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day.

Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore whiskey tonight, Paddy".
Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then".

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. He pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face again.

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.

"By Jeebers.... I'm a little crocked," he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and says "No damn way". He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the bed".
He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He pulls himself up and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?"

Paddy says, "I did, Jess. I was really crocked. But how'd you know?"

"Mick phoned . . . You left your wheelchair at the pub."

[johnb5177]