tezzer
31-08-2009, 23:26
10 Downing Street
London SW1
Dear People of the United Kingdom Due to the current financial situation
caused by the slowdown of the economy, your Government has decided to
implement a scheme to put workers 50 years of age and older on early
retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the government to be eligible
for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW
program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED
once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the government deems
appropriate.
Only persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional Income for
Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early
Severance). Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED
or SCREWED any further by the government.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on, will receive as much SHIT
(Special High Intensity Training) as possible.. The government has always
prided itself in the amount of SHIT it gives out. Should you feel that you
do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your
local MP. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
Gordon Brown
London SW1
Dear People of the United Kingdom Due to the current financial situation
caused by the slowdown of the economy, your Government has decided to
implement a scheme to put workers 50 years of age and older on early
retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the government to be eligible
for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW
program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED
once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the government deems
appropriate.
Only persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional Income for
Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early
Severance). Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED
or SCREWED any further by the government.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on, will receive as much SHIT
(Special High Intensity Training) as possible.. The government has always
prided itself in the amount of SHIT it gives out. Should you feel that you
do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your
local MP. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
Gordon Brown