micken
14-11-2017, 17:05
Unashamedly borrowed from another forum but brought here specially for you.
Mr Dave Davis is at the golf club returning his locker key
when Mr Barnier, the membership secretary sees him.
"Hello Mr Davis", says Mr Barnier. "I'm sorry to hear you
are no longer renewing your club membership,if you would
like to come to my office we can settle your account".
"I have settled my bar bill" says Mr Davis.
"Ah yes Mr Davis", says Mr Barnier, "but there are other
matters that need settlement"
*In Mr Barniers office -*
Mr Davis explains that he has settled his bar bill so
wonders what else he can possibly owe the Golf Club?
"Well Mr Davis" begins Mr Barnier, "you did agree to buy one
of our Club Jackets".
"Yes" agrees Mr Davis "I did agree to buy a jacket but I
haven't received it yet". "As soon as you supply the jacket
I will send you a cheque for the full amount".
"That will not be possible" explains Mr Barnier. "As you are
no longer a club member you will not be entitled to buy one
of our jackets"!
"But you still want me to pay for it" exclaims Mr Davis.
"Yes" says Mr Barnier, "That will be £500 for the jacket.
"There is also your bar bill".
"But I've already settled my bar bill" says Mr Davis. "Yes"
says Mr Barnier, "but as you can appreciate, we need to
place our orders from the Brewery in advance to ensure our
bar is properly stocked".. "You regularly used to spend at
least £50 a week in the bar so we have placed orders with
the brewery accordingly for the coming year". "You therefore
owe us £2600 for the year".
"Will you still allow me to have these drinks?" asks Mr
Davis. "No of course not Mr Davis". "You are no longer a
club member!" says Mr Barnier. "Next is your restaurant
bill" continues Mr Barnier. "In the same manner we have to
make arrangements in advance with our catering suppliers".
"Your average restaurant bill was in the order of £300 a
month, so we'll require payment of £3600 for the next
year".
"I don't suppose you'll be letting me have these meals
either" asks Mr Davis.
"No, of course not" says an irritated Mr
Barnier, "you are no longer a club member!"
"Then of course" Mr Barnier continues, "there are repairs to
the clubhouse roof".
"Clubhouse roof" exclaims Mr Davis, "What's that got to do
with me?"
"Well it still needs to be repaired and the builders are
coming in next week", your share of the bill is £2000".
"I see" says Mr Davis, "anything else?".
"Now you mention it" says Mr Barnier, "there is Fred the
Barman's pension". "We would like you to pay £5 a week
towards Fred's pension when he retires next month". "He's
not well you know so I doubt we'll need to ask you for
payment for longer than about five years, so £1300 should do
it".
"This brings your total bill to £10,000" says Mr Barnier.
"Let me get this straight" says Mr Davis, "you want me to
pay £500 for a jacket you won't let me have, £2600 for
beverages you won't let me drink and £3600 for food you
won't let me eat, all under a roof I won't be allowed under
and not served by a bloke who's going to retire next month!"
"Yes, it's all perfectly clear and quite reasonable" says
Mr Barnier.
"**** off!" says Mr Davis
Now we understand what Brexit is all about!!!!!
Mr Dave Davis is at the golf club returning his locker key
when Mr Barnier, the membership secretary sees him.
"Hello Mr Davis", says Mr Barnier. "I'm sorry to hear you
are no longer renewing your club membership,if you would
like to come to my office we can settle your account".
"I have settled my bar bill" says Mr Davis.
"Ah yes Mr Davis", says Mr Barnier, "but there are other
matters that need settlement"
*In Mr Barniers office -*
Mr Davis explains that he has settled his bar bill so
wonders what else he can possibly owe the Golf Club?
"Well Mr Davis" begins Mr Barnier, "you did agree to buy one
of our Club Jackets".
"Yes" agrees Mr Davis "I did agree to buy a jacket but I
haven't received it yet". "As soon as you supply the jacket
I will send you a cheque for the full amount".
"That will not be possible" explains Mr Barnier. "As you are
no longer a club member you will not be entitled to buy one
of our jackets"!
"But you still want me to pay for it" exclaims Mr Davis.
"Yes" says Mr Barnier, "That will be £500 for the jacket.
"There is also your bar bill".
"But I've already settled my bar bill" says Mr Davis. "Yes"
says Mr Barnier, "but as you can appreciate, we need to
place our orders from the Brewery in advance to ensure our
bar is properly stocked".. "You regularly used to spend at
least £50 a week in the bar so we have placed orders with
the brewery accordingly for the coming year". "You therefore
owe us £2600 for the year".
"Will you still allow me to have these drinks?" asks Mr
Davis. "No of course not Mr Davis". "You are no longer a
club member!" says Mr Barnier. "Next is your restaurant
bill" continues Mr Barnier. "In the same manner we have to
make arrangements in advance with our catering suppliers".
"Your average restaurant bill was in the order of £300 a
month, so we'll require payment of £3600 for the next
year".
"I don't suppose you'll be letting me have these meals
either" asks Mr Davis.
"No, of course not" says an irritated Mr
Barnier, "you are no longer a club member!"
"Then of course" Mr Barnier continues, "there are repairs to
the clubhouse roof".
"Clubhouse roof" exclaims Mr Davis, "What's that got to do
with me?"
"Well it still needs to be repaired and the builders are
coming in next week", your share of the bill is £2000".
"I see" says Mr Davis, "anything else?".
"Now you mention it" says Mr Barnier, "there is Fred the
Barman's pension". "We would like you to pay £5 a week
towards Fred's pension when he retires next month". "He's
not well you know so I doubt we'll need to ask you for
payment for longer than about five years, so £1300 should do
it".
"This brings your total bill to £10,000" says Mr Barnier.
"Let me get this straight" says Mr Davis, "you want me to
pay £500 for a jacket you won't let me have, £2600 for
beverages you won't let me drink and £3600 for food you
won't let me eat, all under a roof I won't be allowed under
and not served by a bloke who's going to retire next month!"
"Yes, it's all perfectly clear and quite reasonable" says
Mr Barnier.
"**** off!" says Mr Davis
Now we understand what Brexit is all about!!!!!