land-rover modding [Archive] - :::.Nissan 4x4 Owners Club.:::

rustic

24-03-2013, 22:54

Some land rover jokes... Some are facts though... read on... you decide...:nenau

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Land Rovers are like women:
They leak when you don't want them to, moan on long journey's, embarrass you in front of friends and peers, and consume more money than you ever expected once you've commit yourself to one.
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Did you hear about the man whose Land Rover didn't leak oil?
The factory took it back and worked on it until it did.
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Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night? They all look the same.
He replied, "It doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens !"
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The Land Rover motto: "Get home before dark."
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Land Rover - "Inventor" of the first intermittent wiper.
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Land Rover - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
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Land Rover three position headlight switch - Dim, Flicker and Off.
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The Original Anti-Theft Device - Land Rover Electrics.
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If Land Rover made guns, wars would not start...
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Land Rover Bumper Stickers...

Stop Laughing, put the camera away and get a tow rope!

If my wife was this dirty, I'd have stayed at home!

Land Rover 0-60 in Three Weeks!

A Land Rover is for LIFE - not just for Christmas

Keep Your distance - you never know what will fall off

Please remember - YOU ARE MY CRUMPLE ZONE

If you can read this please flip me over!

WARNING: This Landrover may contain NUTS!

Don't wash me - just plant Potatoes!

This Vehicle has more leaks than the Titanic

Some other facts.
1) A Land Rover doesn't leak oil, it just marks it's territory.
2) When putting a Land Rover portrait against the wall, remember to put some old newspapers on the floor to catch the oil leaks.
3) Why is a Land Rovers rear windows heated? So your hands are warm when you push them.
4) Why did they use Land Rovers for the Camel trophy? To make things as difficult as possible for the contestants.
5) With a Land Rover you can't decide whether to park on a hill in case your starter fails or on the flat in case your handbrake fails.
6) How do you get oil into a Land Rover? Throw the oils over the engine and it will leak in.
7) What does the Titanic and a Land Rover have in common? It has the same turning circle and is just as waterproof

WHAT DO YOU DO?
You are driving in your land rover at a constant speed. ( fiction again)...
On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your motor and you cannot overtake it.
Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Read Below
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Answer:
Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round" ... you are pi**ed