briggie
29-11-2011, 22:40
The 12 Days of Christmas
December 14, 1993
Dearest John,
I went to the door today and the post today and the postman
had delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful
gift!! I couldn't have been more surprised.
With deepest love and devotion,
Agnes
December 15, 1993
Dearest John,
Today the postman brought your sweet gift. Just imagine...two
turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your thoughtfulness. They
are just adorable.
All my love,
Agnes
December 16, 1993
My dear John,
Oh, aren't you the extravagent one? Now i really must protest.
I dont deserve such generosity...three French Hens!!! They
are just darling, but I must insist, you've been too kind.
Love,
Agnes
December 17, 1993
Dear John,
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really,
they are beautiful...but don't you think enough is enough?
You are being TOO romantic.
Love,
Agnes
December 18, 1993
Dearest John,
What a suprise! Today the postman delivered five gold rings...
one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it.
But all those birds squawking is beginning to get on my nerves.
With love,
Agnes
December 19, 1993
Dear John:
What goes on? When I opened the door today there were actually
six geese alaying on my front steps! So, you're back to the
birds again, huh? There's bird shit all over the house and they
never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a
nervous wreck. It's not funny anymore. So STOP already.
Sincerely,
Agnes
December 20, 1993
John:
What's with you and the fu--ing birds? Seven swans aswimming?
What kind of Goddamn joke is this? There's shit and water all
over the place from the swans--the neighbors are talking about
an eviction notice and I'm up to my ass in bird shit, so knock
it off!
AGNES...
December 20, 1993
OKAY BUSTER
I think I prefer the birds...what the hell am I going to do
with eight maids milking? It's not enough with all those birds
and eight maids a milking, but they had to bring the Goddamn
cows! There's shit all over my lawn and I can't move in my own
house. Just lay off SMART ASS !!!!!!
A.
December 22, 1993
Listen Shithead,
What are you some kind of sadist??? Now there's nine pipers
piping, and F--K, do they pipe! They've never stopped chasing
those maids around since they got here yesterday morning! The
cows are getting upset and are stomping all over the screaching
birds. Now f--k off...
December 23, 1993
You Dirty Prick ! ! !
Now there are 10 ladies dancing. I dont know why I call those
sluts ladies!! They've been balling the pipers all night long.
The cows can't sleep and furthermore, they have diarrhea. My
living room is a river of shit! The city commissioner of
buildings has subpoenaed me to show why the building should
NOT be condemned. I am calling the cops on you, you ba--ard!!
December 24, 1993
You lousy, Rotten Son-of-a-bitch !!!
What's with the eleven lords aleeping on those maids and
ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those
pipers ran through all the all the maids and have been
committing sodomy with the cows. All 23 of the birds are
dead, they were trampled to death during the orgy. I hope
you're satisfied you fu--ing moron!
Your eternal enemy!
December 25, 1993
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowlege your latest gift of 12 drummers drumming,
which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes
Smith. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence
should come to our attention.. If you should attempt to reach
Miss Smith at the sanitarium, the attendants have instructions
to have you shot on sight. With this letter, is enclosed a
warrent for your arrest.
Cordially,
Wilson, Jones & Meade
Attourneys-at-Law
December 14, 1993
Dearest John,
I went to the door today and the post today and the postman
had delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful
gift!! I couldn't have been more surprised.
With deepest love and devotion,
Agnes
December 15, 1993
Dearest John,
Today the postman brought your sweet gift. Just imagine...two
turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your thoughtfulness. They
are just adorable.
All my love,
Agnes
December 16, 1993
My dear John,
Oh, aren't you the extravagent one? Now i really must protest.
I dont deserve such generosity...three French Hens!!! They
are just darling, but I must insist, you've been too kind.
Love,
Agnes
December 17, 1993
Dear John,
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really,
they are beautiful...but don't you think enough is enough?
You are being TOO romantic.
Love,
Agnes
December 18, 1993
Dearest John,
What a suprise! Today the postman delivered five gold rings...
one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it.
But all those birds squawking is beginning to get on my nerves.
With love,
Agnes
December 19, 1993
Dear John:
What goes on? When I opened the door today there were actually
six geese alaying on my front steps! So, you're back to the
birds again, huh? There's bird shit all over the house and they
never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a
nervous wreck. It's not funny anymore. So STOP already.
Sincerely,
Agnes
December 20, 1993
John:
What's with you and the fu--ing birds? Seven swans aswimming?
What kind of Goddamn joke is this? There's shit and water all
over the place from the swans--the neighbors are talking about
an eviction notice and I'm up to my ass in bird shit, so knock
it off!
AGNES...
December 20, 1993
OKAY BUSTER
I think I prefer the birds...what the hell am I going to do
with eight maids milking? It's not enough with all those birds
and eight maids a milking, but they had to bring the Goddamn
cows! There's shit all over my lawn and I can't move in my own
house. Just lay off SMART ASS !!!!!!
A.
December 22, 1993
Listen Shithead,
What are you some kind of sadist??? Now there's nine pipers
piping, and F--K, do they pipe! They've never stopped chasing
those maids around since they got here yesterday morning! The
cows are getting upset and are stomping all over the screaching
birds. Now f--k off...
December 23, 1993
You Dirty Prick ! ! !
Now there are 10 ladies dancing. I dont know why I call those
sluts ladies!! They've been balling the pipers all night long.
The cows can't sleep and furthermore, they have diarrhea. My
living room is a river of shit! The city commissioner of
buildings has subpoenaed me to show why the building should
NOT be condemned. I am calling the cops on you, you ba--ard!!
December 24, 1993
You lousy, Rotten Son-of-a-bitch !!!
What's with the eleven lords aleeping on those maids and
ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those
pipers ran through all the all the maids and have been
committing sodomy with the cows. All 23 of the birds are
dead, they were trampled to death during the orgy. I hope
you're satisfied you fu--ing moron!
Your eternal enemy!
December 25, 1993
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowlege your latest gift of 12 drummers drumming,
which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes
Smith. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence
should come to our attention.. If you should attempt to reach
Miss Smith at the sanitarium, the attendants have instructions
to have you shot on sight. With this letter, is enclosed a
warrent for your arrest.
Cordially,
Wilson, Jones & Meade
Attourneys-at-Law