briggie
09-07-2011, 19:19
Man: My wife drives like lightning.
Friend: You mean fast?
Man: No, she hits trees.
If you smuggle cars into the country, are you trafficking?
A guy asked a passer-by: "What's the quickest way to York?"
"Are you walking or driving?"
"Driving."
"That's the quickest way."
When a man arrived home from work, his wife was waiting for him. She sat him down and told him she had good news and bad news about the car.
"Right," he said. "What's the good news?"
She said: "The air bag works."
A father was driving his son to school when he inadvertently made an illegal turn at some traffic lights. Realising his mistake, he said:
"Oops, I just made an illegal turn."
"It's OK, Dad," said his son. "The police car behind us did the same thing."
One cab driver said to another: "Why have you got one side of your cab painted red and the other side painted blue?"
"Well, when I get in an accident, the police always believe my version of what happened, because all the witnesses contradict each other."
A car was speeding along the road when it suddenly crashed through the guard rail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and landed upside down in a gully, wheels spinning wildly.
As the driver clambered dazed from the wreckage, a passer-by asked: "Are you drunk?"
"Of course," said the motorist. "What do you think I am - a stunt driver?"
A man was driving down a country lane when his car ground to a halt.
As he lifted the hood to study the engine, a brown and white cow from an adjoining field lumbered over to the car and stuck her head under the hood next to the man's.
After a moment or two, the cow turned to the man and said: "Looks like a dodgy carburettor to me." Then she walked back into the field and resumed her grazing.
Amazed, the man walked up to the farmhouse and asked the farmer: "Is that your cow in the field?"
"The brown and white one? Yes, that's old Buttercup."
"Well," continued the man, "my car was broken down, and she just said: 'Looks like a dodgy carburettor to me.'"
The farmer shook his head and said: "Don't mind old Buttercup. She don't know a thing about cars."
Friend: You mean fast?
Man: No, she hits trees.
If you smuggle cars into the country, are you trafficking?
A guy asked a passer-by: "What's the quickest way to York?"
"Are you walking or driving?"
"Driving."
"That's the quickest way."
When a man arrived home from work, his wife was waiting for him. She sat him down and told him she had good news and bad news about the car.
"Right," he said. "What's the good news?"
She said: "The air bag works."
A father was driving his son to school when he inadvertently made an illegal turn at some traffic lights. Realising his mistake, he said:
"Oops, I just made an illegal turn."
"It's OK, Dad," said his son. "The police car behind us did the same thing."
One cab driver said to another: "Why have you got one side of your cab painted red and the other side painted blue?"
"Well, when I get in an accident, the police always believe my version of what happened, because all the witnesses contradict each other."
A car was speeding along the road when it suddenly crashed through the guard rail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and landed upside down in a gully, wheels spinning wildly.
As the driver clambered dazed from the wreckage, a passer-by asked: "Are you drunk?"
"Of course," said the motorist. "What do you think I am - a stunt driver?"
A man was driving down a country lane when his car ground to a halt.
As he lifted the hood to study the engine, a brown and white cow from an adjoining field lumbered over to the car and stuck her head under the hood next to the man's.
After a moment or two, the cow turned to the man and said: "Looks like a dodgy carburettor to me." Then she walked back into the field and resumed her grazing.
Amazed, the man walked up to the farmhouse and asked the farmer: "Is that your cow in the field?"
"The brown and white one? Yes, that's old Buttercup."
"Well," continued the man, "my car was broken down, and she just said: 'Looks like a dodgy carburettor to me.'"
The farmer shook his head and said: "Don't mind old Buttercup. She don't know a thing about cars."