politically uncorrect funnies

[briggie]

I sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and appeared to have stopped breathing.
I thought she was dead until I saw the red spot on her forehead, and realised she was just on standby.

I got a right beating last night by a 6ft 7in black bloke.
All I said was, "Golly you're tall."

Years ago it was suggested that, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works a treat!

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite? All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.

I got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking for some hot action! So I sent her my ironing. That'll keep the lazy woman busy.

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to Hoover the house.
Turns out she was a S-l-o-v-a-k.

I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

A lad came home from school and excitedly told his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years.
The dad said, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part."

I just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month. It's time to change supplier I think.

And saving the best till last..
Paddy says to Mick, “T’be sure you have an empty milk bottle in your fridge?”
To which Mick responds “Ahhh that’s for them as wants black coffee you dozy

[sp00k]

:jesterbg :jesterbg :jesterbg

[lacroupade]

Just to even things up a bit...LOL

Two yorkshiremen bought themselves a racehorse each,thinking they'd make their fortune.

They took them back to the stables but suddenly realised they couldn't tell the bloody things apart.

"Eeh bah gum" says the first yorkshireman, "Ah've got an idea, Ah'll cut the tail off mine". "Greet idea" says the second bloke. So out come the scissors and off comes the tail.

But the stable lad is hiding in the loft and fancies a crack, so after they've gone he nips down, picks up the scissors and chops the other horses tail off.

Next day the two likely lads return.

"Eeh ecky thoomp" says the first bloke, "both tails have gone, how will we tell't difference nah then lad?"

"Ah knows, ah'll cut the mane off mine!" says No1 bloke. "Reet grand idea!" says No2, so out come the scissors again and off comes the first horse's mane.

But the stable lad is up there again, and as soon as they've gone away to polish their ferrets, down he comes and chops the other ones mane off.

Next day the lads are dumbfounded (well they are from Yorkshire!)..."well ah'll go t't foot of our stairs lad, both manes have gone now....what'll we do now lad, ah'm reet perplexed I am??"

"Ah'll tell thee what lad", says No2, ah've anoother greet idea...."
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"You have the black one and ah'll have the white one....":doh

[jace]

Can you imagine working for a company that only has a little more than 635 employees, but, has the following employee
statistics..

29 have been accused of spouse abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
9 have been accused of writing bad cheques
17 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year

and

collectively, this year alone, they have cost the British tax payer £92,993,748 in
expenses!!!
Which organisation is this?

It's the 635 members of the House of Commons.

The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

What a bunch of b ***** ds we have running our country - it says it all...

And just to top all that they probably have the best 'corporate' pension scheme in the country!!

If you agree that this is an appalling state of affairs, please pass it on to everyone you know

[Sedger]

.... this is copied from a post which is appearing on a number of USA ultra con sites - including the one below. The numbers ar differen - cos there's over 500 politicians in Congress. Where did your research come from? If its true you are making a powerful argument.

http://www.myspace.com/forums/t/4840247?SortOrder=0

[jace]

quite posssibly outve date,i think the number of them with criminal convictions has gone up in recent months lol!

[Sedger]

:clap:clap